Sunday, August 01, 2004

Pet Peeves

The following is a list of some of my pet peeves. It is by no means a complete list, but it’ll do for now.

Drivers who…
…pull out in front of you doing the speed of light, then slow down to 5 mph below the posted speed limit. If you feel such an overwhelming need to get onto the road in front of me then you better stay up to speed.
…pull up behind you doing the speed of light in the hope of forcing you to either speed up, or get out of their way. You’ll only encourage me to slow down.
…weave in and out of traffic, only to arrive at the same traffic lights, intersections, etc… as you do, only 3 seconds before you. Was it really worth the effort?
…refuse to pull out from a stop because they’re too busy doing something else. When you’re in your car… DRIVE, don’t read, don’t talk on the phone, don’t eat, don’t do your make up, just DRIVE!!!
…stop in the middle of the road to have a conversation with a pedestrian. Don’t you morons have telephones?!? What in the world can either of you have to say to one another that couldn’t wait until you pulled over?
…let their children go unbuckled. It is both unsafe and stupid. If you really cared about your kids you’d have them snapped in.
…honk their horn when it’s obvious that the traffic isn’t going anywhere yet. No, your horn does not have any magical powers that can move the truck in front of me, so lay off!

Co-Workers who…
…take things out of the refrigerator and don’t put them back in. Yes, if I wanted warm Mountain Dew I’d have kept it in my locker not the fridge.
…have no bathroom etiquette. I don’t even want to discuss the things you morons smear on the stalls… haven’t you people grown up yet.
…borrow your tools and don’t return them. I can’t do my job without them either.
…whine about their job. You have no idea what a shitty job really is.
…brownnose. Pry your lips off the bosses ass long enough to take a breath and realize that you’re a loser.
…narc on other co-workers for things that they’re just as guilty of doing. Please explain the difference to me between you looking at an Avon catalogue, or someone else looking at a magazine… and vice versa.

Pedestrians who…
…step off the curb right in front of you. I’m surrounded by about a ton of steel, glass, and plastic, you got nothin’ but air… who REALLY has the right of way?
…run across one side of the street, but walk while they’re in front of your car. Yes, that little hop, skip, and jump you did to get to my side of the road was great, now do it again and get the hell out of my way!
…have conversations with people who’ve stopped in the middle of the road. Just because your sorry ass doesn’t have to be anywhere right now, doesn’t mean the rest of us should have to wait. Don’t you idiots have cell phones… oh, wait! That would suck too!

Churchgoers who…
…rush madly out of the sanctuary after the sermon. I’m sure that Jesus is sorry to interfere with your brunch plans, or the football game.
…act as if the parking lot, after having rushed from the sanctuary, is the Indianapolis Speedway. We are not jockeying for pole position here. Our homes and favorite restaurants will still be there a minute or two later.
…think they deserve an eternity in Heaven because they’ve been putting in their 1 hour each week. You do the math, your 1 hour a week may add up to a year or so, but not eternity.
…call themselves Christians without ever finding out what that really means. Going to church does not make you a Christian, anymore than going to a garage makes you a mechanic… you have to know what you’re doing to qualify.
…refuse to welcome visitors and strangers into the congregation. Church is not a social club, it is a place where we go to share our common faith with others.
…act as if their own sins are less offensive to God than those of non-churchgoers. Sin is sin. Deal with it!

Shoppers who...
... try to sneak into the "10 items or less" lane with more than 10 items. Learn to count you moron. You're not any more improtant than the rest of us who have to wait in line. Get over yourself!
... stop their cart in the middle of the isle and then stand beside it so that nobody else can get past them. Hey! Move! Just because I haven't shoved my cart half-way up your ass doesn't mean you don't deserve it.
... use the handicapped space as a cart return. Don't be so damned lazy! push the cart to where it belongs... YOU'RE NOT HANDICAPPED, you're just stupid!

Celebrities who…
… Oh, Hell! Pretty much everything that celebrities do pisses me off. Suffice it to say that I do NOT need spoiled rich people telling me what causes I should contribute to, or which rights I should be willing to surrender. You get paid to pretend to be someone, or something, other than what you really are… if you even know who that is… so why should I believe anything you say?

Politicians who…
… same as above pretty much. You make well over $100,000 per year, and you can vote yourselves raises from the money I PAY. So SHUT-UP about what the government can’t afford… we can’t afford you sticking your hands into our pockets anymore.

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3 Comments:

Blogger Faith said...

weave in and out of traffic, only to arrive at the same traffic lights, intersections, etc… as you do, only 3 seconds before you. Was it really worth the effort?hehe, that doesn't bother me as much as it makes me laugh. It's funny to see those idiots try to get ahead and wind up being the one next to you at the stop light. Puts a smile on my face :)

9:21 PM  
Blogger nikki said...

hehe, funny and good things to think about too.

12:54 AM  
Blogger One Wink at a Time said...

Your Pet Peeves read MUCH the same as mine! My list might be a wee bit longer, though. Must include people talking on cell phones while driving. Aaarrrggghhh!!! And shoppers who wait to the very last minute in the check out line in front of you (who have been standing in line as long as you have, if not longer...) to decide to check and see if they have the means to pay...
People who call themselves "Christian" and don't have a clue what that means, REALLY ticks me off. It is like "using" God to me.

1:06 PM  

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