Saturday, January 29, 2005

Much to my surprise

I couldn't believe it! The Super Flea, at Eastland Mall & Marketplace is closed. I'm so depressed.
It wasn't like your typical Flea Market, it was a huge, indoor marketplace that had vendors for practically every imaginable item on earth. It was like the Wal-Mart of Flea Markets. And now it's gone.
I went there to pick up a really beautiful axe from my "Arms Dealer". Imagine my surprise when I arrived to find notes posted on all of the doors announcing the ownerships decision to close the facility, and telling the vendors that they had to be vacated by the 28th (yesterday!) . I was stunned!
Fortunately, I had my vendors phone number at home and was able to pick up my axe from his house. But I feel really bad for him, and all of the other vendors, because for many of them, this was a primary source of income. Imagine that... dealing at a flea market as a "primary" source of income? Tells you how big this thing was. And now they're pretty much out of work. It's sad.
But I have a little more to share on this in another post.

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Helping out a friend

So I have my own personal "Arms Dealer"... kinda. For the last 10 years or so, I've conducted at least 90% of my knife collecting business with one man. His name is George, and he also happens to be a moderately backsliden Christian. That means I have a real heart for him and his situation.
His business was one of those misplaced by the closing of the Super Flea. And while I feel for all of the people who were doing a decent business there, many of them have other options, George doesn't. As a result, I've promised to help him as best I can.
As I spoke to him I recommended that he try to conduct his business on-line. His only problem is that he doesn't have any way of doing that. He doesn't have a computer, and even if he did, he doesn't know anything about them or using the internet. This is where I come in.
I told him we could go to the library and get him somewhat limited access to the internet, but every little bit can help right now. I've suggested starting out small. I'm hoping that he can set-up an E-bay account to sell at. Then I think a blog to get himself some additional exposure. I know that I can show him some tricks to get a little attention. After that who knows?
In any event, I'll be meeting him on Wednesday to get him started out. I'll definitely add a link here to help. So, if any of you happen to have a particular need for cutlery of any kind, martial arts supplies, or even paint-ball accessories, he's your man. Any business that anyone decides to send his way will be greatly appreciated, and you'll be helping out one of my friends.

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Friday, January 28, 2005

A few photo links

Fort Recovery
a small town on the western border of Ohio. My mom's hometown, and a place that carries a lot of great memories from my youth. Here are the links to some of the pics I've taken during my visits.

The Alley

The Monument

From The Porch

The Water Tower

The Fort

Main Street

Sun Rising

The Memorial

Pioneer Spirit

Two Icons

Contrast of Time

Old Fort Site

The Stockade House

Change Of Perspective

Colors Of Sunset

Sunset Behind The Tower

Steeler Fans Everywhere

An Endless Sea Of Green

Perfect For Home Security

Tornado Magnets

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Thursday, January 27, 2005

Announcing...

New side-bar titles.
All in the spirit of keeping my blog interesting. They just sorta came to me as I was sitting at work trying to come up with another new way of keeping myself, and my co-workers, occupied as we waited for parts to come out of the warehouse. These are the ones that I came up with.
Just For Fun
Bullet Awards
Photos
Read each of the specific posts to discover what each one is about. The real side-bar stuff will be up soon.
Enjoy!

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Just for fun

I'm adding this section for the sole purpose of giving visitors a place to go to for a little chuckle, or some humorous thoughts and observations. Some of you may be familiar with the odd questions that I ask, the bizarre thoughts that just seem to pop into my head, and the unusual observations that I make regarding life in general. Well... this is the place where you'll be able to find such archived posts. Now, go have a laugh.

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What are the "Bullet Awards"?

If you've ever heard of Bill Engval, you may be familiar with his comedy bit called "Here's your sign...". A brief explanation for those of you who aren't familiar with this particular bit: Stupid people should be given signs to wear so that the rest of us know not to waste out time dealing with them. We'd see the sign, and say; "Oh, nevermind.".
Well, my thoughts go a little bit further. More along the lines of the 3-Kill Rule.
Instead of giving the stupid people I encounter a sign, I'd like to give them one of my "Bullet Awards": A single bullet, accompanied by this statement (possibly on a placard); "Here's your bullet... Put this into your brain since you're obviously not using it.".
I will be posting stories (some I already have posted) of such individuals, some from my own personal experiences, others from news and other sources. And I hope that all of you will share any similar experiences that you've had with such individuals with me. I'll gladly post them here. I expect to hear from Kenn occasionally.
If all goes well, these awards could become a precursor to the famed Darwin Awards. Which is not to say that I wish for anyone to do so, but I suspect that the activities of such people will eventually lead to their own "final stupidity". And there is always the possibility that these awards will be so well received that I have to start a separate site for them. Wouldn't that be cool?
E-mail any submissions you might already have for me.

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Photos

This will be the place where I link to my archived photo posts. I will probably try to keep them grouped together in sets which are about specific topics/subjects. I don't have very many yet, but this should be the necessary incentive to get me to post more of the pics I have lying around the house. It should also inspire me to go get a real camera and commit myself to getting some of the shots that I see regularly, but never get.

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Such insanity

It really sucks sometimes when you get a whole bunch of great ideas for things you'd like to post to your blog, or additions that you'd like to include, but you can't make the time to do either.
Things are just too hectic around here right now, and I feel as if I'm neglecting much needed "face"-time with some of my friends. And there's also the whole "I've got something to say." thing running around inside my head that just won't go away. hopefully, very soon, I'll be able to get both of them reconciled.
Later.

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Monday, January 24, 2005

Quote for 1/24/05

"Character is doing the right thing when no one is watching."
J.C. Watts

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The magic has faded

Doom and gloom falls on the Steel City as the Steelers have lost to the New England Patriots. Rookie mistakes mostly, but I will not disparage Roethlisburgers season over this one game. It was still a great season, and no small achievement for a rookie. Still, it would've been nice to have gone the whole way.
That's all I have to say about the game. I'm just not up to any more commentary on it.
So, I guess I'm an Eagles fan for the next couple of weeks.

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Friday, January 21, 2005

Get over yourselves already

So the "big" news story over the last couple of days (maybe even weeks) is the Inauguration. First, the idiot leftists start to whine about how much it's going to cost. Ignoring the fact that the only taxpayer funding for the event was the security detail, which would've been on the job anyway. Then came the complaints that we shouldn't be "celebrating" while we have soldiers fighting, and yes, dying, overseas. Of course, the reason why we even have a military is to ensure the common citizens of this country the ability to conduct our lives in liberty... and that includes such celebrations.
But the thing that I find to be most disgusting about these morons is the amount of time, effort and money that they must've spent on their petty, ineffectual protest. It's not like they were going to change the outcome of the election, disrupt the ceremony to the point that it couldn't be conducted, or even change the minds of anyone that might be watching. By this time, either you voted in support of the President's policies, or you voted against them (or you didn't vote at all, in which case you can just shut-up and go home because you had the chance to make your voice heard and you refused to do so). There are no more "undecided voters" to impress. This protest was, at best, an exercise in futility, or possibly a sad attempt at keeping the spotlight focused on their self-centered, and self-important, organizations and causes.
If these losers actually cared at all about all of the issues that they claim to support they could've come up with a lot better uses for all of the wasted resources. Just think, if these jerks had stayed home and invested the time and effort to just write out a check and put a stamp on an envelope, they might have changed the world with a generous contribution to some worthwhile cause. Tsunami relief, world hunger, AIDS research, cancer research, birth defects, or any of the countless other charities which are making a REAL difference in this world. Instead, they had to have their self-agrandizing last stand in defiance to a man who is doing more to advance freedom in this world than any of their philosophies ever has.
These people really need to get over it and get on with their lives.

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Thursday, January 20, 2005

Quote for 1/20/05

"An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life."
Robert A. Heinlein from "Beyond This Horizon"

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Back again

O.K., I'm back now. I really don't have a post for the moment, because I'd like to get caught up on the blogs I've been missing. So, I'll probably have something later. If not this evening, then tommorrow.
And... thanks for those of you who either e-mailed or commented. Much appreciated.

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Monday, January 17, 2005

Taking a little break

I think I'm going to take a few days off from posting anything. In fact, I think I'm going to take a few days off from being on-line altogether. I've got some 'stuff' running around inside my head and I'd really like to put it into some sort of order before I lose it all. Most of it has to do with some advice that I've been given in regard to my divorce. I thank you all for that... and you know who you are. And I'm thankful for those of you who've just been so supportive of me through this very difficult time. But I really need to seek God on this one, and I really get the impression that He wants me to step-back for a few days. So, if you don't hear from me anytime soon, it's not because I'm ignoring you or anything, I just need the time away. I'll be back to my normal (as normal as I ever am) self soon enough. Later.

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Sunday, January 16, 2005

Re-thinking my last post

Now that I've had some time to reflect, and listen to some of the local and national sportscasters talking about the Steelers/Jets game. I'm a bit more comfortable with the way the Steelers played. Yes, it was an 'ugly' win that might not have happened, but the points that we put up on the board were because of our offense. The Jets, on the other hand, only scored 3 of their points because of good offensive play.
My confidence in this team is almost fully restored now. Roethlisberger knows that he had a bad game, but he's also accomplished something that only one other rookie QB has done before... a post-season win. He moved the team downfield when he needed to, and this was a 'bad' game. It was the 'rookie mistakes', that nearly killed us though, but they didn't. Now, think how incredible it'll be if he can pull off two more really good games.
On a side note. I saw some of the after-game news conference clips this morning. Hines Ward is such a "Pimp"! You should've seen him (if you didn't), fur-collared coat, funky hat (pulled down low over his eyes), and big diamond earrings. I guess if you've got the money, you may as well enjoy spending it.

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Saturday, January 15, 2005

Please don't ever scare me like that again

I just finished watching the Steelers/Jets game. Pittsburgh certainly would've deserved the loss if they had lost, but the Jets also deserved their loss. I can't believe that their kicker missed two consecutive field goal attempts. Roethlisberger (with all due respect) practically handed the Jets the winning drive, but Brien couldn't finish the job. I about had a heart attack watching that kick drift off to the left.
Once the overtime started, I knew our "D" could hold the Jets offense. Still, for the first time this season, my confidence in our rookie QB sensation was shaken. I was afraid he might drop another interception into their waiting hands. Fortunately, he didn't... and I am sooooo glad he didn't.
Anyway, the Steelers move on to the AFC Championship game, right here in the 'burgh, and I expect them to go the rest of the way as well. Another ring and another trophy.

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D'oh!

How is it that I never noticed this particular link at Dagoddess' site before?
Ahhhh, bless you goddess for directing me to a new obsession to occupy my already limited free-time. I must link to this here... you'll know where to look.

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Thursday, January 13, 2005

Quote for 1/13/05

"Remember the Stromboli!"
John Krol

You'll have to read the post below.

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"Is that like "Remember the Alamo!"?"

M+

A few weeks ago one of my co-workers was selling strombolis for a fundraiser. Today those strombolis were delivered. Now, for many of us, we don't need to be reminded that we have food in the cafeteria to take home with us. But some of my co-workers still needed some reminding. In an attempt to keep that reminder simple, John K. began telling our other co-workers "Remember the stromboli."
I couldn't resist the opportunity to ask; "Is that like "Remember the Alamo!"?". To which, John merely added the intensive inflection of a battle-cry, and a raised fist, "Remember the Stromboli!".
I'm so glad that I'm not the only one at work with a twisted sense of humor.
Eventually we came up with a story about an Italian Warship named the Stromboli being sunk during a war, and the birth of our battle-cry. It was quite humorous, but I can't remember anything more than the battle-cry.

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Wednesday, January 12, 2005

A class act

You really need to check out this story.
This just goes to show how much of a class act Pittsburgh's rookie QB truly is. Especially with all of the less-than-exemplary activities of other professional atheletes. Perhaps Roethlisberger's actions will help to raise the bar for sports figures as role models.

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A passing thought

Earlier today, one of my co-workers said to me, "Trust me, I know what I'm doing.". And I thought to myself, "How many people have gone to their graves after saying that?". Then, as things went horribly wrong for my co-worker, I had to make a quick exit before I errupted into laughter.
As I walked away, I couldn't help thinking about other such statements that always seem to lead to someones demise (or, at least, to their serious discomfort). These are the ones that popped into my head immediately:
1)"Trust me, I know what I'm doing."
2)"Is this thing loaded?"
3)"This is gonna be so cool."
4)"Hey! Watch this!"
5)"I am NOT too drunk to drive home."
NO! I didn't post this as a MEME, but if you'd like to treat it as one... feel free.

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Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Quote for 1/11/05

"If you don't know what you're doing... DON'T DO IT!"
J2D

We wish that our vendors would heed this advice, instead of shipping us the crap that we keep getting.

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Monday, January 10, 2005

A strangely frightening and comforting thought

Bobby is sooooo much like me sometimes.
So, we're walking around the other day and he asks me; "If you could have the super powers of either Superman or Wolverine, which would you choose?"
Tough choice! Either one would be awesome, but Wolverine is still much more limited by his inability to fly. Not to mention the fact that he doesn't have super human strength or speed. All he has is the mutant healing ability and the unbreakable skeletal system. The claws are also right up my aisle.
Either way, the conversation veered off somewhere and we started talking about Superman is if he were some sort of "Black Ops" agent. It gave me a really great idea for a short story.
I'm thinking about a "Black Ops" agent who's been assigned to "handle" Superman. "Handle"-ing Superman in the sense that it's this particular agents job to make sure that Agent Kryptonian Son doesn't violate his orders (allow his 'morals' to keep him from doing something that he might otherwise object to), or fall into the wrong hands. I imagine some pretty wicked gadgetry to keep The Man of Steel in line... and all of it laced with Kryptonite.
Bobby was enjoying my thoughts on this. A chip off the ol' block.

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Sunday, January 09, 2005

Quote for 1/9/05

"Two things fill the mind with ever new and increasing wonder and awe, the more often and the more seriously reflection concentrates upon them: the starry heaven above me and the moral law within me."
Immanuel Kant

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I was just wondering...

How does God decide who gets to win the Super Bowl? I mean... there are obviously players and fans for both teams that will be praying and asking Him to affect the outcome. So what criteria does God put in place to be met?
Is it the team with the most Christian players on it? Or is it the team with the most Christian fans? Or am I making a false assumption about God favoring Christians at all? Is there, perhaps, some great 'cosmic' coin toss in the Heavens? Or does such a 'violent' game fall under the dominion of the Adversary?
Is it possible for these questions to suck all of the fun out of watching the game?
I hope not.

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Explaining my rage

About my little "vent"... very simply put... anytime I spend more than just a few hours with Jo, something is bound to go wrong between us. This time it was a very long car ride after two days of being at home with her, instead of being at work (I never thought I'd see the day that I curse an extended weekend, but now I have).
Still, allow me to start with some background info that leads upto where we are at the moment. This will take some time, and some of this is a bit more 'personal' than most of you are used to, but I think you're all mature enough to handle it.
I supose that our divorce has been building for a few years now, but I didn't notice (or didn't WANT to notice). I had plenty of clues, not the least of which was Jo asking me flat out, after the insurance settlement for the fire came in, if I wanted to buy another house or maybe we should use the money to go our own ways. I thought we could work things out in due time, like we always have before, but I seem to be wrong about that. Truth be told, we never really worked out any of our problems. They just always seemed to take a backseat to whatever larger problem came up in our lives. Now that all of the other big problems have come to some resolution, we only have the one issue left, and it's not coming to a very pleasant resolution of it's own. But I'm getting ahead of myself here.
Another clue came even before she had her gastric bypass surgery. As she spoke to the doctor about the proceedure and the effects that it would have on her, and how quickly she would lose both weight and size, she began to ask me strange questions. The one that kept coming back was about her breast size. She asked me, several times, what would I do if she went from her DD's to an A cup, as if there were anything I could do about it. It was like she was asking me if I would divorce her just because her boobs weren't as big and full as I'm used to them being. Which is ridiculous to me. Yes, I do like large breast, but not so much that I would divorce her for not having them. So I allowed the questions to go by without consideration of what she might really be getting at.
More clues came in later as she continued to lose weight very rapidly. She was getting healthier, feeling better, and feeling better about herself. Her self-confidence had improved greatly, and it showed in the amount of activities that she became involved in. She started to go out with her friends more often. Something that she hadn't done in several years, because of how uncomfortable she felt about her weight and size. It was a big change for her.
At first, it was a 'girls night out' thing, once a week. I knew the people that she was going out with so I had no problem. Most of them were either married or engaged, or in a serious enough relationship that none of them were out looking to 'score'. But there's still a level of flirtatious behavior among them, and I've always known Jo to be one of the most flirtatious of them all. She would come home and tell me about her 'night out'. The people she hung out with, the new people that she met, the girls tending the bar, the bouncers joking around with her and her friends, and even about the guys that hit on her (and some of the lines that these guys used were beyond pathetic). This has never bothered me because she has always made a point of reminding me that she always comes home to me. And quite often, coming home to me meant "no sleeping in this bed tonight" (sorry if that's too much info), which was probably the best reminder of all.
Then it became more frequent than one night a week. She'd be out two, or three times, in a week depending on who was going, and whether or not she had to be at work early in the day or later in the afternoon. Soon, her friends began to question the reason and frequency of her 'nights out'. Eventually she began to withdraw from these friends and started to find a new set of 'regulars' at the places that she went to. Rumors were beginning to circulate that Jo wasn't just flirting with some of the guys that were always around. But I've never been one to believe rumors, so I let them slide and denounced the people who were speaking them as 'high-schoolish'. I still have no reason to believe any of what had been said back then was more than a rumor. Besides, the more frequent 'nights out' meant more frequent 'coming home', and what man, who is married to a beautiful woman, is going to complain about that.
Then she met Sharon. At the time, Sharon was working at the Puff Discount Tobacco shop that was just up the hill and on the way to work (for Jo, that is). Jo would stop in to grab a bottle of iced tea, and a snack for work, and that's how they got to know each other. As Jo's other friendships began to fade, she became closer to Sharon. All of a sudden, the two of them decide that they should go hang out together sometime. So they did, but they didn't stay very close to home, at least, not our home. Sharon lives in a little town called Herminie, way out in the boondocks. A little red-neck town about a 40 minutes away from where we live.
This was back in late July, a few weeks later, in August, I'm being given an ultimatum about getting things done around the house or else we're going to end up getting a divorce. Jo basically told me that I had to stop procrastiating about doing things around the house, and that I need to show a little pride in our home. She informed me that after 17 years of me procrastinating, and putting things off, she wasn't sure that she could take another 17 years of it. But she failed to remember that 1) we've never really had the kind of disposable income necessary for me to get all of the projects that need to be done taken care of, and 2) I am not a 'handy' man. I know a lot of 'stuff', but that's all inside my head. There seems to be a breakdown somewhere between what I know in my head, and getting my hands to perform what I know they should be doing... at least when it comes to things like carpentry, and remodling.
I don't respond well to ultimatums (who does?), but this was my marriage we were talking about. So, I gave it a bit more consideration than I might have given it otherwise. I weighed out what it was that I thought Jo was asking me to do, and it all boiled down to this: I have to change something about myself, a personality trait (perhaps a character flaw) that is just as much who I am as my name. In weighing this out, I looked back over the 17 years that we had been together and saw numerous other changes that I had made in some effort to make her (us?) happy, and none of them had ever worked. Perhaps some of the ones that she deemed to be important were fairly short-lived, but the ones that I thought important were permanent. Finally, I said "No.". And that was all she needed to know.
She had decided that we would end it amicably, and uncontested. I would get to keep the house, she would get so much of the furniture and any of the decorative stuff that she wanted. We would share custody of the kids, and she wouldn't ask for any support. all in all, a good deal for me. Almost too good, but I'll get into that later.
It wasn't as if my decision was final as soon as I made my choice. It may have been possible to fix things within the following days, but I think Jo had already made up her mind, and this merely sealed it for her. In her mind, as far as I can tell, our marriage was now over. But I still entertained some notion of possibly saving it, I was just too angry to work towards it at the time.
Jo began to spend nights at Sharons trailer (yes, I said trailer... and a better poster-girl for "trailer-park-trash" you will never find). It was a lot easier than Jo trying to make the 40 minute drive home, especially if she'd had a few. And this was starting to bother me. As far as I could tell, she had begun to live as if we were already divorce... to some extent, anyway. At first this was nothing, but then one night (morning) when she did come home, I didn't like how things unfolded. I won't go into much detail about it, but I will say this. When Jo goes out, she has a routine that she follows upon coming home. Within this routine, which I am intimately acquainted with after being witness to it for 17 years, are some things that are easily picked up on... none of them were right on this particular night. And it left me with a multitude of unaswered questions and a slew of suspicions that remain to this day. But I've not shared any of this with Jo. I'm not sure if it's because I won't believe her, or because I do want to believe her, or even if it's because I just don't want to know for sure. In any event, the thought that she might possibly be 'seeing', let alone 'doing', someone began to haunt me. She is , after all, still MY wife.
But I've conveniently forgotten to place a few details that shouldn't be ignored, so I'll add them here. Back in September I recieved a late notice from the mortgage company. It was informing me that our mortgage was two months over due, and the third was not far behind. I went looking through our bills and found that none of them had been paid in the last two months. Like an idiot, I had allowed Jo to hold the check-book without ever questioning what was being done with the money. I trusted her to pay the bills and to keep food on the table and manage our money properly. But she wasn't. And to complicate matters I have no way of ever finding out what happened to any of it. Her favorite method of obtaining cash is to simply write a check to herself and cash it at the drive-thru window of our bank. Where the cash goes after that is anybody's guess.
I had to take a drastic measure to correct the wrong here. I immediately stopped my paychecks from being directly deposited into our joint account, and instead, I left her with a one hundred dollar "allowance". The remainder of my paychecks were now being deposited into one of my separate accounts, to which she has no access. Since then, I've managed to get most of our bills caught up. I still owe more than I would like to, but at least everything is staying on. I should actually be caught up completely by July.
Fast forward to recent events. Lately, Jo has been spending weekends at Sharons trailer. She's been coming home during the week days because of her externship at a hospital, but she still goes out a couple times a week. Anymore, when she comes home she will tell me how her weekend went. I've grown weary of hearing these stories.
They start out well enough, stuff that's been happening around the trailer, what Sharons kids are up to, that sort of thing. And then she'll tell me of how their friendship is being strained by Sharons reliance on her to help out with the kids, the cleaning, and other stuff. I admit that I take a somewhat sadistic pleasure in knowing that there is some strain in their relationship, but it's a short lived satisfaction because of the other details that she shares with me.
As it has always been with us, Jo still likes to tell me about her 'nights out'. This bothers me now because she is no longer coming home to me, especially not in the way that she used to. And I would be remiss to neglect to tell everyone that she's looking better and better. She insists on telling me about this 'young pup', or that 'old geezer', and anyone else that has shown her any interest (or as she has put it to Sharon, the guys that "... just want to get into her pants"). And while she has told me that she's "... not looking for anyone, or interested in anyone.", she has also told me that of some of the guys who've asked her out, her response has been "Not until my divorce is final.". I don't find such contraditions to be very reassuring. Now, combine all of this with the fact that she has also told the kids that she plans on starting to date right away, and you can see where I might get a little bit upset.
And that's why I get so mad. What man wants to hear about all the other men that are trying to score with his wife, especially at a time when she just might be a bit more willing if the right offer were to come along? It's also particularly disturbing that it really hasn't been so long ago that she and I were having some of the best sex of our marriage (sorry, again, if that's too much info). And I believe that she's aware of what she's doing. Just like I believe that she was trying to force the house into foreclosure so that she wouldn't be losing it in our "amicable" settlement.
And worst of all, if she were to ask... I'd take her back in a heartbeat. I know that I still love her, but I also know that we can't live with each other. So I'm dealing with that horrible conundrum of a love/hate relationship with someone that I have two beautiful childen with, and a lot of good memories... inspite of the rough spots.
I know that God has my best interests in mind. I know that things will work out for all of us, eventually. I just have to learn how to get past the pain and anger and resentment that I feel when she does the kind of crap that I've been talking about. In time it should get easier, but at the moment... well... you've read the earlier post by now. I think you understand.

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Saturday, January 08, 2005

Quote for 1/8/05

"The world of the happy is quite another world than the world of the unhappy."
Ludwig Wittgenstein

Goes well with my other post for today, don't you think?

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Getting back on track

Alright, I came to the sudden realization last night, that my blogging has gotten horribly off-track lately. I am NOT the brooding, miserable loser that I feel like I've become lately. When I look back at some of my recent "vents" (because "rants" are about issues that others may have a more passive, yet passionate, interest in, "vents" are one person just getting something off their chest), I see someone that isn't really me. I see someone that I really don't like, and I wouldn't blame any of you for not wanting to keep visiting when I get like that. So, I'm going to resist my urges to make frequent posts about my pending divorce, and I'm just going "Deal with it!" the way I should.
I will, of course, keep all of you informed, since I've come to accept some of you as my friends (however, 'sight-unseen' and 'long distance' it may be). But I'll try to maintain some sort of dignity when I post about such things. A little moderation in my writing, as oppossed to the extreme emotional outbursts that I've been tossing around lately. Besides, I want to get back to some of the fun stuff that I used to toss around. The word games and strange questions that just seem to pop into my head (and then magically appear on my blog) and anything else that brought a smile to my face. I want to get those smiles back and then share them with all of you.
But I still owe all of you an explanation for the "vent" I posted the other day. Maybe later, but I won't let it be such a downer to any of you, or to myself either.
Later.

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Thursday, January 06, 2005

Quote for 1/6/05

"The more alternatives, the more difficult the choice."
Abbe' D'Allainval

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My Christmas Display


Well... here it is. My Christmas Display. A bit late but that's O.K.. This photo was taken by one of my co-workers, Penny, and she just figured out how to e-mail it to me. So now you know what it is I was talking about all through my December posts. Ain't it great? Posted by Hello

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You may not want to read this

For those of you who are used to my fairly upbeat, positive and optomistic posts, you may wish to skip this one. I just need to get this out of my system before I explode, or do something really stupid...


Would somebody please put a fucking bullet through my damned skull! I don't know how much longer I can take this shit from that fucking bitch. No sooner do I start to feel O.K. with how things are going between me and Jo, then she has to go and fuck with my head. How schizophrenic must this post seem after the last one I put up?


I feel much better now. I'll post something to explain this later on. Probably over the weekend. Thank you. That is all.

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Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Time well spent

As much as I might hate to admit it, I actually enjoyed spending the better part of yesterday with Jo.
We had the opportunity to talk for the first time, in a long time, about some of the things that we haven't been able to say too much about. It gave us the chance to come to grips with each others feelings on this whole divorce thing.
I confess that I've been ignoring what it is that she must be going through with all of it. It's been a really difficult change for us both. She spends her weekends with a friend because she doesn't want to cause any problems for me. The plans that we've drawn up as our settlement are plainly to my benefit. She doesn't see the kids much because of her work schedule. And, of course, she feels bad because she knows how much this is hurting everyone involved.
I've been selfish, possibly even a bit vengeful, in my perspective. I've been blaming the whole ordeal on her and the fact that she's lost a great deal of weight since she had her gastric bypass. And, while I acknowledge my faults and can recognize where I was making my own contributions to our marriage's ultimate demise, I was still trying to place the largest majority of the blame on her.
Strangely, she does admit that much of it is her own fault, but not for the same reasons that I believe so... but that is a different story. A story which I may or may not discuss anytime soon.
I'm just glad that we had the time to talk and to get some things out in the open. It's put us both at ease with each other. And we actually hugged one another for the first time in months. Which is something that I've been missing... even though I know I'm going to have to get used to not getting hugs, or anything else, from her once this is all over.

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Sunday, January 02, 2005

This is interesting

I was just in the middle of getting caught up on the online reading that I've been slacking off on lately, and I came across a very encouraging article.
It seems to jump right out at me, as if it were meant JUST for me. Not because I need to know that there are other people out there that are struggling with their faith. That's something that I've always known about. It's one of those unavoidable, universal truths that seem to plague us all.
Nor is it because I've been stuggling with all of my own issues. I expect to see struggles. Just like I expect other people to struggle. Again, it's one of those things that happen in life.
What really makes it so important for me is the fact that I find such articles when I'm starting to feel the bitterness, anger or resentment swelling inside of me. It serves to remind me that my reaction to my circumstance is more important than the actual circumstance. It helps me to see past the pain of the situation, into the amazing possiblities that God has for me. And I do believe that He has many amazing possibilities waiting for me.
For all the different events I've been through, you'd think I'd already have this down to a science, but I don't. I still fight with what my heart knows and what my mind perceives. And just where does that leave me? Well... I guess I'll just wait and see what comes. God has pulled off some pretty incredible stuff in my life, so why shouldn't I expect Him to keep doing so?

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Quote for 1/2/05

"All I have to say is that the Merlot was pretty good with the powdered donuts."
JT

That little gem was spoken on New Years Eve... before we started to drink.

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Saturday, January 01, 2005

Quotes from 12/2004

Quote for 1/1/05

"Nobody wants to listen to the nonsensical ravings of a malecontent."
Ray Patterson/Steve Martin - from The Simpsons

If this were anywhere near being true, blogs wouldn't even exist.

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Starting the New Year right

Well, JT and I had a pretty good night last night... and a really good day today, as well.
We basically just watched one DVD after another the entire night. Sitting around, sipping on our wine (see JT's review), eating wings, taquitos, shrimp and eventually the traditional pork, hot dogs-n-keilbasa and saurkraut.
Our DVD line up for last night was:
Punisher
Hard Boiled
Paycheck
Secret Window
Today's fare was much of the same foods (leftovers are one of God's greatest blessings), and the following DVDs:
Boondock Saints
Snatch
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
We're not quite sure that we want to keep watching DVDs though... in fact, we're taking a little break so I can post this. And JT will probably post something on his blog too.
All in all, a great weekend since we don't usually get to hang out with each other this much. I wish Kenn could've been here. It would've been great to catch up on old times as we welcomed the new.
I hope that all of you had a pleasant New Years Eve.

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