Monday, February 28, 2005

Quote for 2/28/05

"Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can."
John Wesley

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What the... !!!

I just checked my site-meter for daily activity and I can't figure something out. How the Hell did I come up as the #2 spot on a Yahoo search for "mom son enjoy sex when dad out of country stories" ?!?!?
Freakin' perverts. Let me get you a Bullet!

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"Wow! Lookit all that white stuff!"

Steve Stover.

If you've never had the opportunity to be with someone the first time they've ever seen snow, I highly recommend the experience. And I'm not talking about a young child either. I mean someone who's old enough to realize that this is a normal thing, but they've never been exposed to it.
Steve moved into my neighborhood when we were in 7th grade. He had lived in Hawaii all of his life before that. So, needless to say, he had never had the chance to do all of the things with snow that so many of us take for granted. It was great to hang out with someone who had such a deep fascination with something that was so common to the rest of us.
If there was snow on the ground, he'd be ready to go sledding. We'd spend the entire day outside building our "fortresses", and waging snowball battles on a scale so massive that it would make Patton proud. And Steve became an expert at making snowballs. If you've ever seen the Peanuts cartoon where Lucy threatens Linus, "For every snowball you throw at me I'll hit you with five!", well... Steve could live up to that threat. I swear, he used to keep at least 5 snowballs in his freezer all year 'round. He'd bring them out in the summer, sometimes just to admire them. Other times he'd throw them at us just because he could. Sometimes he'd just sit and watch one melt, because he wanted to see how long it took in the summer sun. Truly amazing.
Steve's family moved back to Hawaii after we finished 9th grade. It was a sad day for all of us in the neighborhood. And, as is the way with so many young people, we didn't keep in contact for very long after that. But every once in awhile, when it snows, like it's snowing outside right now, I think of Steve Stover and wonder how he's doing without the snow. If he even misses it at all, or if he'd love to see it again.

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Sunday, February 27, 2005

God, have mercy on our souls

Had our Saturday Movie Night at Kenn's last night. It was a great night, too. We had our Vinnie pie with pepperoni, mushroom, and sausage (again), and Kenn had his beer, I had my wine, and we both had Dew as the need arose.
Our movie selections were a bit on the "dark" side. Started with Donnie Darko, very twisted. Nice way of handling time-travel.
Moved on to Last Man Standing. Sort of a gangsters meet westerns kinda flick. Lots of shooting and killing and what not.
Then came the monstrosity, Death Race 2000. This was a movie that was made in 1975. I had no idea that our outlook on the future was so... bleak... back then. This movie was bad. It was so tongue-in-cheek, and so cheaply made, that I couldn't believe that it was even put on DVD. I think I actually lost IQ points after watching that one. But we still got a lot of chuckles out of it.
All in all, the night was a good time of hangin' out. We're looking forward to doing this on a regular basis now. Every third Saturday seems to be the consensus at the moment.

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Saturday, February 26, 2005

Be careful with that Bullet Award

Also found this story at Michael the Archangel's site.

IT'S A FREAKIN' RUBBER BAND YOU IGNORANT MORONS!

"-"They said if he would have aimed it a little more and he would have gotten it closer to her face he would have hit her in the eye," mother Jenette Rojas said.-"

Yeah... woulda, coulda, shoulda. If he had WANTED to, he would've hit the teacher in the face. And, if he had wanted to, he could've probably used something a lot worse... like maybe the Bullet that I'm awarding to the teacher (whose name is not listed), and the Administrators (also, strangely, anonymous).

Oh... and the irony of such a blatantly oppressive action occuring at "Liberty Middle School"... Go figure!

to these mindless drones of the government run Education System...
Here's your Bullet...

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Purgatory!

If I believed in it, I might not have a problem with knowing that I'd end up in there. Found the test at Michael the Archangel's blog.

My results:
The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
LevelScore
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Very Low

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

I Hope all of you make it to a level that you can live (or would that be "be dead") with.

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Friday, February 25, 2005

Some more "favorites"

Being that my previous post dealt with one of my favorite things, this one will fall under the similar category of a favorites as well. It was originally sent to me by Pamela, so I decided to go ahead and adapt it to my own tastes and post it. Eventually it will end up in my Personal Indulgences. Here goes...

1. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER: Walking Tall.
2. BOOK ARE YOU READING? The Tommyknockers.
3. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Squad Leader.
4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? Newsmax.
5. FAVORITE SMELLS? Red-meat on the grill, or musk scented perfume on a woman.
6. FAVORITE FOODS? Seafood, ribs, or steak.
7. FAVORITE SOUND? A really good guitar jam, or loud, rolling thunder.
8. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? Not getting enough sleep when you have a really big day ahead of you.
9. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE
UP?
"God, are you awake yet? I need to talk to you."
10. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE? Wendy's
11. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? What?!? I really don't see that happening!
12. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. "IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY..? I'd be very rich (DUH!)
13. DO YOU DRIVE FAST? No, I drive wreckless.
14. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? Not anymore.
15. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY? "Cool" doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about a really good thunderstorm.
16. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? '78 Toronado. Black, with a moonroof and a tape deck that played in reverse. Pretty cool.
17. FAVORITE DRINK ? Mountain Dew.
18. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, "IF I HAD THE TIME..." I'd finish writing my books.
19. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI? Yes. How the hell am I supposed to make up a witty response to a question like this?
20. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD
BE YOUR CHOICE?
None.
21. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED
IN:
In Ohio: Columbus, Dayton, in PA: Plum, Swissvale, North Versailles, Ford City, North Braddock, Pitcairn, Monroeville.
22. NAME ALL THE STATES/COUNTRIES YOU HAVE VISITED. Ohio, West Virginia, Virginia, North Carolina, Georgia, Indiana, Maryland, New York, New Jersey, Delaware, Colorado, and Bermuda.
23. GLASS - HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? Depends on what's in it. Then I'll know why it's whichever one it is.
24.FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Football is life!
25. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO
YOU......
Very strong faith.
26. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? My ba'tlheth, part of my knife collection, my dress shoes, a shoebox of personal momentos.
27. TOILET PAPER -OVER OR UNDER? Over.
28. SEAT UP OR DOWN? Down.
29. MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL? Some bizarre combination of both. No matter how late I stay up, I always wake up early. And, no matter how tired I am, I'm always wide awake late at night.
28. OVER EASY OR SUNNY SIDE UP? Over easy. Just how I like my women.
31. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX? Wherever I happen to be comfortable when I'm there.
32. FAVORITE PIE? Is Cheesecake a pie or a cake? I'll go with chocolate cream pie... no! wait! Pizza Pie... from Vincents!
33. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU E-MAILED THIS TO, WHO'S MOST
LIKELY TO RESPOND?
I'm not e-mailing it. I'm just posting it here. If you're my friend, and you have internet access, you probably already read my blog. So, consider this your "send". If you don't read my blog... you probably wouldn't respond to this either.
34. LEAST LIKELY? See above answer.

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It's Friday, it's Lent, and I'm full

I just wanted to mention, very briefly, that Fridays during Lent are some of my favorite times of the entire year.
And why might that be?
Because no matter where you go to eat, it's always like an all-you-can-eat-shrimp thing going on.
Bobby and I hit the Chinese Buffet tonight, and after my obligatory round of "everything on the buffet that I like", I stayed with the fried shrimp thereafter... all three rounds.
Last week I did this at Ponderosa for their Grand Buffet (or whatever they call it nowadays), and next week I'll probably do this somewhere else.
Strange, that in hindsight to this posting, I remember that Lent is supposed to be a season of sacrifice and self-denial. Boy, am I glad that I'm not Catholic.

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Thursday, February 24, 2005

Now that the darkness has lifted

Read this post first!

I've finally vented some of my anger at the person that I should be directing it at. I had a really great "yell at" (as opposed to a "talk with") Jo yesterday, and I finally got some things off of my chest.
I've been in a really dark and dismal funk, over the last few weeks, and it's been due to her casual attitude towards our situation. She hadn't been working and I was supporting her out of my own paycheck, but not anymore. We filed our taxes and got our check back the other day. I gave her most of the money just so she'll leave me alone for awhile. But I'll still be able to pay-off a few things that need to be attended to. But I was really pissed at her because she actually had the nerve to ask me about money from my paycheck... say what!?!?
So, I went off on her. She returned fire, and I stood my ground. Jo really doesn't like the man I've become. I've never given her so much opposition before, and I know she's not used to me facing her down. But I'm getting better at it, and she's hating it. I felt pretty good about it, but I'll admit that it might have been done a little bit more tactfully.
We managed to smooth things out a bit today, but there's still a fair amount of friction between us. We're trying to be as civil as possible for the sake of the kids, but sometimes it's so hard. But I'm glad that things have "changed", because it's really helped me to get through that darkness that was causing me to lose my sense of humor, my sense of happiness.
I, and not only I, but many of my friends and co-workers, had noticed lately that I was missing golden opportunities to pop out one-liners, quick jokes or even puns as the people around me would speak. It really sucked, because I love that kind of quick wit. And so do most of the people who know me. So, we all agreed that I wasn't really myself lately. But now, I'm back. And the next few posts might help to demonstrate that.
WOOHOO!!!

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Bathroom humor... sorta

Alright... I'm standing in the restroom at work, and next to me is someone from the offices. Suddenly, his cell phone rings. His ringtone happens to sound like a harp. Without hesitation, I look up as if to spy an Angel, to which my 'associate' begins to chuckle. Seconds later we're both laughing about it.
"Cell phones and bathroom humor at the same time... I love my job!" said I.
He laughed even more.
I'm just happy to know that my typical, bizarre, twisted sense of humor is returning.

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Please explain this to me

Question:
Why is it always the guy with the headphones on (that would be me) that hears the alarming units, and never the people who are standing right next to them?

Answer:
Selective hearing.

And all of you ladies thought that it was only your boyfriend.

I guess that eventually, I too, shall adapt to this, like my co-workers. But then, who will tell them that the units are alarming?

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O.K., I did the math

It is a well known fact, in Pittsburgh, that a pizza from Vincents will take 5 years off of your life. So, basing my calculations on a large, 12 cut pizza, each slice will reduce a persons lifespan by approximately .42 years.
Now... I know that I've only been to Vincents 4 times in my life, for a total of 18 slices of really incredible pie. That comes to approximately 5.88 years for me. With an average lifespan of 76.7 years, for a non-smoking man, I still make it to 70.82 (minus whatever I consume on Saturday with Kenn). This puts me at September 10th, 2036... sometime around 5:46 PM. Hmmmmmmmmmm... Jo's birthday is September 10th. Coincidence? Nah! I fully expect to eat plenty more Vinnies before my final demise. And that ought to throw a new twist into my calculations.
Hey, Kenn! How much time do you have left? Or is it already too late? I hope not, 'cuz I'm really looking forward to our Saturday Movie Night.

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Quote for 2/24/05

"Stupidity should be painful and ignorance should be taxed."
Kender

Yeah! That sounds about right.

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Wednesday, February 23, 2005

O.K.... I'll bite.

So I'm checking out my friend/co-worker, Fred's blog, and find this question. He asked this question at work yesterday, and I'm glad that he decide to post the replies that we gave him. Feel free to visit and reply with your own answers/opinions.
In hindsight to this post... I have to ask myself, why didn't I come up with this question?
I'm slipping gang! I need to get my head screwed on right again...
or would that be screwed up?
We'll figure it out later as things start to improve around here.

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Tuesday, February 22, 2005

A really bad feeling

I really hate making this post tonight. More than anything else, I wish that this particular feeling hadn't hit me tonight, but it did.
Everything was great tonight. The worship service at church was lively and the sermon was good. Afterwards, JT and myself (and the Boy), joined Rebecca at her house for a little wine and some pizza. And we were enjoying some genuine adult conversation, and company, when it hit me... a really bad feeling.
For the first time, since Jo decided that she wanted a divorce, I actually felt a physical pain from it all. And this was aside from the sense of betrayal and the complete feeling of disgust that was leading up to that particular feeling. I know why I felt it too, but I won't discuss that right now. I just needed to get this off of my chest.
I'm hoping to have a really great post either tomorrow, or the next day, to make up for this one. Or possibly to explain it a little better.
Later, all.

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Quote for 2/22/05

"These things are slower than the seven year itch."
Greg Rushton

In reference to the PC boards that he's been stuck calibrating this morning. I guess it will work for other things, too.

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Monday, February 21, 2005

Something I just have to say

I just got in from the weekly Men's Bible Study that JT and I attend, and I just have to say this...
It's really great to have a few guys that I can talk to about matters of faith. Not that I don't talk to other guys about such things outside of my church. But JT and Rick, and even the Boy, are privy to certain aspects of myself that are best left unspoken to those who are still just getting to know me. It's a great feeling to have their support, and their understanding of what I struggle with in my own life. I am truly blessed to have their fellowship.

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Sunday, February 20, 2005

Freewill

Freewill is that wonderful gift from God by which we, as mere mortals, are able to make our own choices for our ultimate destiny. Such a magnificent gift to leave in the hands of such frail and fickle beings. Yet, in His infinite wisdom, God has decided that we should be blessed with such a gift.
I consider what Freewill entails, and quite often wonder if we even understand the amount of power that God has placed into our hands with it. We have been given the power to defy God, or to enter into fellowship with Him. We have the power to give and to take life from one another. We have the power to live as enlightened beings, or to reduce ourselves to our basest instincts and live like beasts. And God, in His wisdom, has decided that He will allow us to make these choices for ourselves, without interfering directly. This is something remarkable to understand.
Freewill, is something that we also take for granted. Like freedom, in the US, we have never had to truly concern ourselves with what our lives might be like without it. We've never known a time in our lives, or throughout all of human history, when our Freewill was not under our own control. So, what might our lives be like without it?
If there were no Freewill, this discussion wouldn't be taking place. There would be no need for us to ponder over our lives because they would already be set before us without any possibility of any of us not doing what God wants. We probably wouldn't even care.
Still, we see the tragedies of natural disasters, or even of man-made circumstances, and when the destruction is presented to us in vivid, living color on our TV screens, we ask "Why does God allow this to happen?". We blame Him for not preventing such things and then reject any notion that, perhaps nature, like us, has a will of it's own. As if putting the natural order of things into place makes Him responsible for what that ultimately means. And what does that really mean?
We are not automatons, acting in unison to do whatever God demands of us. Nor is the world around us subject to His bidding since He declared it to be ours in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 1:26-30). Instead, we see an imperfect world that holds just as much fearful wonder as it does glorious beauty. We see people inflicting their own Freewill upon others and say "Even God, Himself, can't stop me.", while others attempt to affect changes that would improve the lives of many more. And all of it done by Freewill.
But now for the really difficult part of it all. As with all other things, God has also made Freewill a mystery to us. As Christ once taught us about the first being last and the servant being the master, so our own Freewill must be surrendered to the will of Another. If we truly wish to experience the depth of our Freewill, we must give it away to His will. We must be willing to give up our own selfish desires and subject ourselves to what He would have us do.
What I have found, in my own life, is that I am a much better person, a much better Christian, when I stop worrying about what sins I might be committing, and focus on what actions God would have me to take. The temptations that I face, while I still have the Freewill to give in to them, have much less appeal when I know that there is something else that I could be doing. When I surrender my Freewill to God's will, I find it easier to make the better choices for myself. I find it easier to do what I know to be right. Even when it's difficult. And that is the most satisfying part of Freewill. The knowledge that I have it to do as I please, yet I find it much more pleasing when I give it to God for his use.

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Friday, February 18, 2005

All juiced up and ready to go

Right to bed! that is.
I've got my whiskey. I've got my sinus/allergy tablets. I've got my Vicks inhaler. And I've got a late start on a short day at work tommorrow.
Cycle counts on the more "costly" items among our components. Who could ask for easier OT?
I just might be able to shake off this cold this weekend. WOOHOO!!!

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Bus Riders Bullet Award

Alright, Faith has nominated the following story from JT for a Bullet award. Here's the story:


Ok I dont normally rant about things but this morning as i was riding the bus into work this morning I had an "encounter" I was sitting in my seat half dozing There was only 2 people on the bus (from town to carnegie) and this rather large women gets on the bus and sits down, not near me but half on me. It seems her friend was sitting just down from me and she decided that I was in the way.

I meant to say something proper like "excuse me maam but you seem to sitting on me" but since I was half asleep and quite startled something to the extent of "Get your fat but off me!!" I then pointed out that the entire bus was empty and there was no real reason from her sit near me, let alone on me.

sometimes people are just stupid!!


And to the passenger who didn't think it enough to sit in only one seat, but felt compelled to use JT's as well, we all say...
Here's your Bullet...

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Sometimes I just have to laugh

I heard about this story on the radio this morning and just couldn't help myself.
Greenpeace protesters got their asses kicked by a bunch of oil traders. How awesome is that? My favorite line in the whole story...

"I’ve never seen anyone less amenable to listening to our point of view."

Yeah... Right! These morons weren't there to have a discussion. They weren't making some peaceful attempt to debate an issue. All they wanted to do was disrupt the trading, stop commerce, and shut down business... freakin communists! And now this loser is upset because the little protest met some resistance. Good! Maybe the next time these socialist pigs try a protest they'll think twice about it. Maybe they'll consider how their message might be rejected by those whose lives are affected by such pathetic, unthinking eco-facists, and the policies that they would inflict upon the rest of the world.
Go get a job and find out what it's like to live in the real world!

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Thursday, February 17, 2005

Relapsing

In case you hadn't noticed from my "Quote...", my cold has returned. And with a vengeance!
I've been feeling pretty crappy all day, and I still haven't gotten out to get any whiskey. I fear that by the time I do finally get to the State Store my cold will either be far enough advanced that the shot won't help at all (of course it couldn't hurt either). Or else my cold will be far enough along that the shot won't be necessary (of course it couldn't hurt either). Still, having the whiskey for the next bout will be reason enough to pick some up anyway. I just haven't had the time to get to the bank for some cash, and therefore, can't get the whiskey.
Incidentally! Spent 2 hours in the ER with the Boy last night. Seems someone jammed his wrist while he was opening a door at school yesterday. Dr's put a splint on it and told us to check for discoloration in 24 hours. No discoloration, so it's officially just a sprain. Seven days in the splint, and two weeks off from Phys-Ed. But I'm still making him do his chores. I'm such a taskmaster!

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Quote for 2/17/05

"Ya know... the IRS frowns on us using our Flex-Spending Account Card at the State Store, even if the whiskey is for medicinal purposes."
M+

Explaining to a co-worker why I haven't gotten rid of my cold yet.

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Much Deserved Multiple Bullet Awards

I found this story over at Kender's blog yesterday among his rants.

The fact that there is even an organization that is pushing for the normalization of sex between men and underage boys is pretty damn frightening to me. What bothers me even more is the fact that the ACLU doesn't seem to have a problem with it either. Not that this surprises me, I just find it to be... beyond my ability to convey my disgust.
This is something that is illegal on several levels, and yet the ACLU will defend these people as if it is a civil right. A CIVIL RIGHT? How the Hell can this be considered a civil right? I don't get.

In any event...
For the four sexual predators that were apprehended
NAMBLA
and the ACLU...

Here are your bullets...

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Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Quote for 2/16/05

"If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere."
Frank A. Clark

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Tuesday, February 15, 2005

13 hours

With the exception of waking up long enough to call-off, I slept for 13 hours last night.
I haven't done that in years, maybe not since I've had kids. I feel great now! Well... almost great. Still a little bit of a headache, but that should be gone by tommorrow.
Bobby, on the other hand, still coughing up a lung. So, I'm heading out shortly to get something to help him out. I don't think we'll be making it to church tonight.
Bummer! I was looking forward to heckling my pastor with JT and our newest partner in crime, Rebbeca. Oh, well... there's always next week.

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Monday, February 14, 2005

Not feeling so hot

I got home from work today to find that the Boy was already home from school. It seems that the school nurse took his temperature and decided that he needed to be dismissed. Fortunately, my mom was able to get him.
This situation is only exasperated by the fact that I'm not feeling very well myself. I could sure use a shot of whiskey right now... that's my cure for the common cold. I take one shot and hit the sack. By morning I'm doing fine, usually.
Bed actually sounds appealing right now. Maybe I'll go there when I get done with this post.
Hey! Look at that! I'm done with this post!
Goodnight.

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Valentines Day Sucks!!!

... and not just this year, but every year that has preceded it. No, this is not some bitter vent because of my pending divorce. This is pretty much how I've always felt. My marital woes only amplify it.
I am not one of those who've been blessed with "good looks". I've always been somewhat "plain", at best. So a holiday that emphasizes and exalts being a part of a romantically connected couple has always left me with a sour taste in my mouth. Even when things were good in my marriage. The holiday only served as an excuse to buy something for her that we really couldn't afford.
It wasn't bad enough that they would torment us in Elementary School. Having us make our little decorated mail-boxes for the homemade cards. Cards that expressed all the false sentiment that a 6-12 year old could muster and scrawl onto construction paper.How wonderful.
Matters had to become more complicated with Jr. High, and the advent of the first awkward dances. Sure, let us experience that brutal form of rejection that can only come at the hands of an adolescent girl. It wasn't horrific enough that most of them believed themselves to be better than everyone else already. Now they stood an inch or two taller than all of the boys, and that meant that they were more "mature" as well. Isn't that great.
Now, as adults, we're bombarded with an endless stream of messages. Reminders to us that the only way to show that "special someone" that we love them is to make outrageous expenditures on items that will be used up or forgotten by the time the next holiday rolls around. Just magnificent.
And all of this is done in the name of "Love"...
Fine.
If you have someone, I wish you well. I hope you have all the happiness that love can bring you on this day... Honestly!
Me... I've still got a ring on my finger, but I'll be crawling into an empty bed tonight. And all of the hype over this "Hallmark Moment Holiday" only serves to remind me just how empty that bed has been, for some time now.
That is all.

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Sunday, February 13, 2005

As per Kender's request

... as seconded by Amie

I guess that since I've opened up my blog, and subsequently my mind, to requests for essay topics, I suppose that I should respond to those which I've received. So, without further delay...

The Futility of Love and the Insanity of Attraction.

I plan on addressing these two topics, but not the topic of The Institution of Marriage (as in "institutionalized", meaning putting away a madman). The reason for this is because I believe the actual Institution of Marriage to be something that is ordained by God and beyond the tamperings of us mere mortals. He made the rules for everything we know that exists. He put in place all of the principals by which our universe operates. So I'm not about to argue with Him on this one. Sorry to disappoint.
So why is it that we see the pursuit of love as futility, and attractions to be so insane? Because, in our limited understanding of things which should surpass our finite confines, we attempt to make these things fit into our own little boxes.
Attraction, especially an attraction which leads us into a futile love relationship, is insane because we know that it won't last. It is based upon a prejudice which we cannot escape.
We all have our own preferences for what attracts us to someone else. Yet, none of these things are eternal. We are guilty of judging others on their appearance, something which God has told us we shouldn't do. But we really have no other options in this. If we can't appreciate the outward appearance of someone, then we'll never take the time to find out what they're really like on the inside. Still, that person on the inside, is quite possibly one of the most beautiful people you could ever meet.
A case in point. A very long time ago I knew a beautiful young lady who truely loved me... as a friend. While I would've liked to have been romantically involved with her, it was not to be. I wasn't her "type". I wasn't what she was looking for in a boyfriend. And while that really sucked for me, it worked out well for us to become great friends. I watched her go in and out of relationships with guys who treated her like crap, and never really took much time for her... unless there was something in it for them. And all because these guys were... shall we say, more physically appealling... to her. The "insane" attraction was there for them, but not for me, even though the "love" involved was an exercise in futility. I would've never treated her the way the others did... Go figure.
But the one thing that I will never forget about our friendship, which has long since dissolved over time, distance and maturity, is a comment she once made to one of her other friends about me. "He gets better looking as you get to know him.". Some may consider this to be a backhanded compliment. I think it was a simple admission of a sudden realization of truth. Inside, she knew that I was a more appealing person, but I lacked the outward appearance to make it work for her. Pity.
But this alone is not why I consider the pursuit of love to be futile. I believe that it has to do with our human condition. It has to do with something that most of us forget, and that is the spiritual nature of love.
We allow ourselves to become wrapped up in the physical aspects of what love is, while we ignore the less physical. My pastor continually jokes about the "gushy, squirmy feeling you get in your stomach", but He's absolutely right... "It's gas, it passes.". It's futile to attempt to build a long lasting relationship on the feeling that someone gives us when we first meet. There has to be more.
And I'm not just talking about the initial attraction. It has to go beyond a common interest, or a shared experience. There isn't enough of a connection in the emotional realm either. Because our emotions are fickle as well. Our moods change with every passing breeze. We allow ourselves to reach great heights of joy only to watch ourselves tumble into despair a moment later. We're missing something in this equation, and that's the spiritual part of love.
There has to be a spiritual aspect to it. You have to ask God to be a part of it. Not only because I believe the Bible when it says that "God is love" (1 John 4:8, meaning the source of love), but because It's so painfully obvious that the two easiest connections to make are the most fragile, and fleeting.
Now, in spite of the fact that I am a Christian, I do not wish to imply that only Christians can experience this spiritual bond. That would be riduculous. As I said at the beginning of this essay, God put the rules in place, and they'll work for anyone who follows them. I've seen this in the way people handle their finances, the way they treat their employees, they way that people treat other people. God has set certain principals in motion throughout the universe. And, since we can't change them, or resist them, we may as well learn to use them. But that's the real problem, isn't it?
I'm at a loss at this point. I haven't been able to keep my own marriage from falling into disrepair, and ultimately, to it's end. It would be easy for me to blame my soon-to-be-EX-wife, for not being spiritual enough, but that too would be foolishness. I recognize my own part in the whole situation, but I do believe that things might have been different if we had followed some of the principals that God had in place. And the worst part of it... I've known about this for more years than I'd care to admit. I just didn't want to "rock the boat", at home, with our families, in the bedroom, or anywhere else that it might have made a difference. So who am I to write this essay?!?
Just a guy who's learning the hard way that you can't ignore the most permanent part of any love relationship... the spiritual side of love. I never said that I would solve the problem of love's futility, or attractions insanity, I only wanted to get these thoughts out there. Find your love on a spiritual level with someone, not just on the physical and emotional. Seek God, whatever god you wish to seek, in your love, and He will find you where you are. But the most important thing I can share with you from scripture is not 1 Corinthians 13 (I'm sure some of you are familiar with at least a part of this passage from weddings that you've attended), but with some words from Jesus himself.
"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, this sums up the Law and the Prophets." (Matthew 7:12)

and also this... "Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law." (Romans 13:10)

The rest is between you, God, and whoever else you invite into the relationship.

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One of the best evenings I've spent out in awhile

Believe it or not, for all of the blog-chattering that Kenn and I do with one another, we actually got together for the first time in almost 10 years tonight. What really makes this a strange thought is that we've lived probably 5 miles away from each other for about a year and a half. I just never took the time to "make time" to get caught up with him. But that's all changed now.
We almost didn't manage it, but Kenn moved some things around on his schedule and everything worked out fine. We had Vincent's pizza - pepperoni, mushroom and sausage - with beer for Kenn, and wine for me... and of course, some Pepsi for either of us.
We sat around and talked as if 10 years was a day, and we felt good about having made the arrangements. We watched a couple of movies and ate our pizza, talked and laughed and just enjoyed being with each other for the first time in so long. And, yes... we did commiserate a little bit about some of the sore spots in our lives. But that's what friends do. So, that's what we did.
Now, we have plans to do it again in two weeks, and this time JT should be able to join us as well. It should be awesome...
that, or else the world is coming to an end.

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Saturday, February 12, 2005

Quote for 2/12/05

"Always the voice of reason, that woman."
Kenn Lucas

In reference to my mother never allowing my father to brew his own beer, make his own wine, or reload his own ammo.

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Friday, February 11, 2005

Quote for 2/11/05

"Perseverance and character are what make the difference between doing what comes naturally, and doing what is right."
M+

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A Vinnie Pie sounds really good right about now

Well... maybe not right now, but Saturday is looking like a grand opportunity.
So, how about it Kenn, and JT... sound feasible to yinz?
Jo's taking the kids for the weekend (first time since September) and I don't have anything planned... wasn't given any advanced notice so I didn't know I could. Maybe we can all hook up and watch a few movies or something too.
Leave comments, send e-mails or call me. I'll be home alone after 4:00 pm today, and probably tommorrow morning too.

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Thursday, February 10, 2005

Our first submission: The Pedestrian Bullet Award

Welcome to the first Bullet Award submission from an outside source. Thank you Fred Acevedo (noted among my co-workers and a new Blogger junkie) for joining in the fun. Here's Fred's nomination:

The other day while driving through town, a woman
having a conversation on her cell phone steps off the
sidewalk and procedes to cross the road in front of
me. Now, I was moving about 25 mph. The person coming
the other direction was coming down the hill (I was
trying to go up), and they were going faster. The other
driver, my wife, and I all hit the brakes to the
floor (she [Fred's wife] always does this, even though she knows it
doesn't work). We almost sandwich her [the pedestrian] with our cars.
She stops and looks up, sees both of our cars, and in
wide eyed surprise, runs to the other side of the
street.

People with cell phones that walk out into traffic
because they are too busy talking to look both
ways, as we were taught as children, are like deer to
me. I try not to hit them because blood, meat, and
hair are not fun to clean off a car. But, if it puts my
family, or myself in danger to swerve, or slam on my
brakes, you're nothing but a speed bump to me. So I
believe this qualifies for a bullet.

To Fred's pedestrian, we all say...
Here's your bullet...

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Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Quote for 2/9/05

"Character may be manifested in the great moments, but it is made in the small ones."
Phillip Brooks

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Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Place your orders now.

A strange developement, indeed.
A one of my co-workers has been visiting my blog with some frequency lately, and has made some positive comments to me about some of my essays (and other stuff). As a result, he has asked me to write a few essays on a some issues that I've touched on before, but haven't fully explored here. We've had some brief discussions of most of them, but nothing very satisfying, or complete. Thus, I've decided that I will probably do just that. I've been meaning to do it anyway. I guess this was the push that I needed to get myself motivated.
So, if anyone out there has any specific requests for a topic... I'm open to suggestions. Perhaps this is a bad idea, but I think I can have some fun with it.

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Monday, February 07, 2005

A new dynasty

So the Patriots won the Super Bowl, and have established themselves as the next Dynasty of the NFL. I'll admit it, I didn't want them to win. I wanted the Eagles to take it this year (it would've been nice if one of Pennsylvania's teams could've won it). Anyway, the Patriots certainly have earned it, but not necessarily in this game. They're a great team, they've got a lot of talent, and an excellent coaching staff. And I'll say that I'm comfortable with the fact that this was the team that took down my beloved Steelers this year. God bless 'em.
It was a good game, but I got the distinct feeling that the Eagles didn't want to win it. They had two clear opportunities to kick it into gear and they didn't merely squander them, they flat out refused to look at them.
They had 1:08 on the clock at the end of the first half, plenty of time to move the ball into field goal range. Yet, they played like they didn't want the points. It was as if they didn't think they could, until that pass connection that put them into Patriots territory. Of course, by this time, there was only 10 seconds on the clock, and they were still too far away for a field goal attempt.
Then, in the last 5 minutes of the 4th, they had no hussle at all to get their plays going. They were only down by 10, no big deal with that much time. But rather than going to the hurry-up offense, they took their good old time in the huddle. And then they called plays up the middle. What was the coaching staff thinking?!?!?
O.K., that's all I'm going to say about it. It was still a good game, and some of the commercials were really great... but I think I'll save that for another post.

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Saturday, February 05, 2005

More fun and games

Found this over at Kender's blog. I kinda like it. Saves me the trouble of coming up with this sort of thing on my own.

A. First, recommend to me:
1. A movie:
2. A book:
3. A musical artist, song, or album:

B. I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want. I reserve the right to not answer some questions.

C. Then, I want you to go to your blog, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything they want!

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Feeling much better than before

I have to admit, I'm feeling pretty good today. Actually, I've been feeling pretty good over the last couple of days. A little less stress, a little more sleep, but more important than any of that has been the incredible amount of support from so many of you, and also some of my co-workers.
Therefore, I feel it only fitting that I thank each of you, my faithful visitors and friends, for the role that you've played in helping me to break through some of my depression. Many thanks to...

JT, for posting Taking things too seriously. Among other things.
Kenn, for the constant reminders of how glorious a Vinnie's Pie can be. Let's go get one soon.
Faith, for keeping me on my toes with our continuing discussion of theology (and other stuff), and other (other) stuff. Go Eagles.
Amie, for encouraging me to keep my spirits high.
Dagoddess, for that awesome open letter to Carl. And other advice.
Kender, for posting about things that I'd like to, but never take the time.
Nash, for your incredible honesty and openness about your stuggles. You inspire me.
Pamela, just for being out there. You too, are an inspiration.
KG, for your thought provoking essays on how you'd like to see the world change.
Fred, for your follow up comments to JT's post. You can no longer resisit my powers. Blog On!
And to my non-blogging co-workers and friends, J2D, Px2, Greg, John, Sean, Chong, Steve, and many others.

To you all, I am deeply indebted. Much gratitude, and many blessings, to each one of you as God deems appropriate.

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Thursday, February 03, 2005

Quote for 2/3/05

"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try."
Beverly Sills

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Quotes from 01/2005

Quotes from 2004

A deer caught in the Bullet Award

I'm sure that everybody out there is familiar with that "deer caught in the headlights" look that some people get when you're trying to explain something complex to them. Well, I got that look from a co-worker today while trying to explain a doorbell. And this is the second time that I had to explain this to her.
Being that I work as much OT as possible I like to start early. It's just easier for me to show up early, and leave at my normal finishing time, than to stay later. So, for me, a typical day begins around 5:00 AM... the time that our security system allows our ID badges access to unlock the doors.
However, there are a few individuals who have special access to unlock the doors a little bit earlier, and todays winner is one of them. Don't ask me how, I don't know, but I think whoever made that decision also deserves a Bullet Award.
Anyway... as I pulled into the lot at work this morning, at about 4:45, I saw this particular 'genius' just getting out of her car and walking towards the doors. I took my time pulling into a space, thinking that she would surely wait for me since she couldn't have possibly missed me pulling into the lot. I was mistaken. She entered the building and headed toward the production floor.
Realizing that this moron wasn't going to wait in the cafeteria until I could get to the door, I opted to hurry myself up a bit. I managed to get my car into a space, grabbed my stuff, and was heading toward the doors just as she had finished putting her lunch into one of the refrigerators. I reached the doors just as she was walking through the production floor entrance.
Now, typically, I would consider this to be perfect timing because the bell for the doorbell is right above that entrance. So I hit the doorbell and waited...
This would not have bothered me so much except that the exact same thing happened to me only two weeks before, with the same person. Only, at that time, when I finally got inside, I walked over to her and told her about the doorbell, explained that I had arrived right after her, and asked why she didn't answer it when it rang.
Do I have to tell how she looked at me?
So, again today, I walked over to her after I was inside, and this time, with a little more force, explained the doorbell, told her that I had arrived right after her, and asked why she didn't answer the doorbell.
Again, that look, and... "What doorbell?"

Here's your bullet...

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Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Something that should frighten us all

Please read this story before reading the rest of this post.

Welcome to the socialist utopia of Europe. Government has taken the place of God as the originator of the rights of citizens, and this is the outcome. It's so nice to know that governments are willing to dictate morality (immorality) to us in this way. Doesn't it suck that there are actually people within the legislatures of this country that believe that our government should be a closer reflection of the European nations.

BITE ME!

And people wonder why Christians get so pissed off at the ACLU trying to remove God from the Pledge of Alligiance, prayer from our schools, the Ten Commandments from courthouses, and nativity scenes from public property. We need God, at least as a legal concept, to protect our rights from the idiots in government who think they can do a better job of running our lives than we can. Or worse, the ones who think they can do a better job of running the world than God can.

I'd give this a Bullet Award, but I just don't have enough ammo for all of the un-named bureaucrats involved.

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Eventually, when my head explodes...

... I'll finally slow down a little.
I can't believe I haven't just passed out yet. I've been operating on about 3 hours of sleep each night for almost two weeks now, and I don't see any end in sight.
Part of the reason is the fact that I'm still struggling with my pending divorce. I still hate the idea that my marriage can't be mended, but I realize that I can't change the way things are with Jo. So, I'll just keep trudging along until we come to our end. Maybe then I'll be able to get a little rest from those worries.
Another thing that isn't helping matters is my weight. I'm sitting comfortably around 260-265, and it's killing me. I have weight related sleep apnea - that means that I only have it because I'm fat. I know that if I lose about 45 pounds I'll be alright, but I've got so much stress in my life right now that I just can't keep away from my favorite comfort (junk) foods.
I also have a lot of other stuff pressing on my mind. Essays that I'd like to write, e-mails that I've been neglecting to answer, friends that I want to spend time with. Bible study, church, my kids, and the list goes on and on. And of course this blog that I do enjoy so much.
Now, accompany those issues with my hectic work schedule, and you have the makings of one major disaster just waiting to happen. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to work the overtime. And I don't mean that I HAVE to work the OT, it's strictly voluntary. I mean that I really need the money.
Every time I start to climb out of the hole that my soon-to-be-EX-wife has dug for me (you'd think she was planning my funeral), I find some new matter that requires my attention. It really sucks! And what only complicates matters is the fact that this kind of moanin'-n-groanin' isn't like me. I hate it when I get bitchy like this...
O.K., that's enough of that. the next time I post something it's going to be something lighthearted or funny. Just you wait-n-see.
Have a beautiful and blessed day.

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Quote for 2/2/05

"Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes."
Oscar Wilde

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