Saturday, April 30, 2005

Overkill now has a new meaning

It would seem that I've over-extended my 3 Kill's with my previous posts today. I hope I don't have to revise the rules again to make up for my excessive use.
Actually, since my Bullet Awards are for people to use on themselves, I wouldn't have used any of my own Kills. I still have all three. Yay! For me!
Maybe I should add a stipulation that you can sell your un-used kills to other people. If I just keep giving away my Bullets, then I could sell all of my Kills to Kenn. I'm sure he'd use them. And it would keep him out of too much trouble.

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Turn Here For Your Bullet Award

So I'm on my way to Wal Mart this morning and I come to a traffic light with a left turn lane and a straight ahead/right turn lane. I wanted to go straight, so I got into the right lane. The light turns green and I started to go. Meanwhile, some old bozo in a mini-van, who's in the left lane, had decided that he wanted to go straight, too.
Excuse me, but simple laws of physics say we can't both be in the same place at the same time. One of us had to get out of the others way, and since I had the right of way, I didn't have to. But the genius in the mini-van obviously didn't care about the laws of the road, let alone the laws of physics, and he kept on going.
I jammmed on my brakes, my finger went up, as if by instinct, and the old fart in the mini-van just ignored the fact that he nearly caused a three car accident behind him.
It isn't enought that the SOB was making an illegal manuever in the first place, but he could've easily made the left turn (legally), proceeded 20 yards to another light and made a right turn (legally), and still ended up where he wanted to go.
Hey! You old fart in the mini-van!
Here's your Bullet...

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Keep Honking... I'm Reloading A Bullet Award

Later during that same little trip to Wal Mart, I decided to do something nice for another motorist. A car, coming from the opposite direction, was attempting to make a left turn across my lane of traffic. There was a great deal of traffic coming up behind me, and I knew that the other driver would probably be sitting for some time if she didn't make the turn now, so I stopped to let her go.
Since she wasn't expecting me to let her make her turn, she hesitated momentarily before pulling out. It took her just enough time to turn as it did for the traffic behind me to catch up. No sooner had the woman's car cleared the intersection, than the idiot behind me hits the horn and starts to yell at me. I didn't hear what the moron said, but you can tell what they're saying usually.
Excuse me for trying to be nice! I'm so sorry that my kindness has caused you such a grave delay!
Here's your Bullet...

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Don't You Have Somewhere Else To Get This Bullet Award

Alright, I was in the checkout line at Wal Mart and I was loading everything up on the belt. So far so good. There were a few people behind me waiting their turn and all was well in the world.
Then the woman in front of me decided not to move. The cashier was done with her. She had her receipt. She had her bags. She had everything that she needed. But she just stopped. She chose that exact moment to go through her purse and make sure that everything was in proper order. And all of this before she pushed her cart out of everybody elses way preventing us from moving forward in the line. And especially keeping me from pushing my cart to the end where I could start putting my bags into it. How freaking rude and inconsiderate do you have to be to do something like this?
I was inches away from just ramming my cart into her backside, and telling her to move it or lose it. But I didn't, instead I want her to have this;
Here's your Bullet...

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Making My Daughter Nervous Will Only Get You A Bullet Award

Aliesha has her drivers permit and she's just getting used to driving my car, so I let her drive as often as possible now. We were out for a little while today and she was doing just fine, just not very fast. Apparently that's not good enough for some people.
Some guy got up on the bumper and rode our tail for several miles to try to get Aliesha to go faster. I simply reminded her that she needs to obey the speed limits and pay attention to the road. I also told her that if the people behind her don't like it they can always find a turn off and go a different way.
She relaxed a bit after that, but the jerk behind us was still riding our butt. I so wanted to tell Aliesha to just slam on the brakes and let him hit us, but I don't want her to have to deal with that so soon. Maybe next time. But, until then, I just want to say.
Here's your Bullet...

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Quote for 4/30/05

"How often misused words generate misleading thoughts."
Herbert Spencer

Political correctness comes to my mind on this one, since it is the intentional misuse of words to generate a misleading persective of ideas and the people who hold to them.


Friday, April 29, 2005

Grace as a bonus check

Today is Bonus Check Friday, at work. And that means that I get an extra couple hundred dollars to work with this month. Which seems to be perfectly timed to my car insurance being due. Talk about God providing when I need it.
But I have other observations to make on this topic. It would also seem that these bonus checks have proven one of my theories regarding human nature. That being, there are 3 kinds of people in this world. I'll explain through the following examples as set out by some of my co-workers.
Invariably, when the company announces our bonuses, the people here have one of three responses toward the announcment. I am in the first category of people who see it as a grace. The company doesn't have to give it to me, but the company recognizes a need to reward my labors with an incentive to continue my good work ethic. I am grateful and appreciative of any amount that it might be, because it is money that I wouldn't have otherwise.
The second category is of those who are indifferent toward the bonus. They are happy to have it, but they also feel that it is merely a part of their pay. While it is a part of our overall compensation package, it is not meant to be a substantial portion of our earnings. Still, these individuals believe that it is owed to them as a part of their employment. So, their gratitude and appreciation are diminshed when the bonus is not as large as others which may have preceeded it.
The third category is the one with which I have the greatest disdain for. These individuals always complain about how much they didn't get from the company. While the criteria for meeting certain goals to achieve a good bonus have been set, and discussed with us all. They are inclined to change from time to time in order to encourage continuous improvement. Such changes are veiwed by these people as just another way for the company to not pay us as much. And rather than accept the bonus with gratefulness, they whine about how much the corporate executives receive... as if the exec.'s had no claim to the company's profitability.
I see in this the attitudes of humanity toward God. Either we believe and are happy to accept whatever God gives to us, expecting nothing more than the grace that saves us. And working diligently to show ourselves to be grateful. Or we treat God with indifference until something goes wrong. Then we either blame Him or accuse Him of not being fair with us. And finally there are those who despise Him because they cannot come to grips with His ways. And those people curse Him inspite of His goodness to them amid their selfishness, greed and contempt for His graciousness.
So, where do you stand?

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like moonlight
falling over me
Darkness surrounding
whispering her name
Echoes roll across my flesh
Burning me
Turn around in silence
cold light of winter gray
streaming wind and vapor
and ashes from embers
once fiery
with passion's unrest
Now, dead
This was my love

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Thursday, April 28, 2005

Unrequited love

Recently JT has been baring his soul to us with some very stirring posts regarding his sense of loneliness and the pain that it brings. And it's led me to think about unrequited love. Not that JT's posts are really about unrequited love, so much as the absence of someone to love, but they both share that same general sense of unfullfilled emptiness. And I wonder why God allows us to go through something so wretched - aside from the whole freewill thing (nobody has to love us if they don't want to), of course, that I understand.
I've been thinking a great deal lately about the idea that there are so many people in the world who neither know, nor care to know, the love of God. Much less, are they willing to return that love to Him. Perhaps, when we experience such unreturned love, God is showing us a little glimpse of His own heart. A world full of people whom He loves dearly enough to die for, and yet so many just don't care enough to love Him back.
I'm not trying to diminish JT's feelings here, or even to apply some sort of overly spiritual tone to what he's feeling. I'm just using his situation as an illustration of how God must feel about us sometimes. I doubt that JT can find much comfort in this thought. But I don't think I'd have felt so strongly about posting this if it weren't for some significance that these thoughts might hold for one of us... Any one of us.

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Tuesday, April 26, 2005

A conundrum

Regarding the statement that I made in my last post about nothing witty today...
I've actually stumbled upon an interesting conundrum for myself now that I've arrived at home, and am about to commence with my personal efforts to rid myself of this sickness. Are you ready?

Is 11:00 AM still too early to start drinking if the whiskey is for medicinal purposes?

Not that there's anyone here to stop me, or even to frown at me over this. I'm just curious. I guess I can check my e-mails, and other stuff before I have my shot.

Now, should I say "goodnight" or "good morning" before I sign off? Or maybe that depends on what time it is where you are when you read this.

That's enough. Here's to the health of us all. Later my friends.

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I guess that's the best way to describe how I'm feeling right now. As a result, I've decided to cut my work-day short, and skip out of here at 10:30. My plans are to go home, and sleep this headache and nausea away.
Expect nothing very witty out of me today. I'm having a tough enough time gathering thoughts that are relevent to being alive, let alone anything that might make me think, smile or laugh. And I really hate it when I get like that.
Hope all of you are dong better.


Monday, April 25, 2005

Something to think about

In a conversation I was having earlier today, somebody used the phrase "It's just unthinkable.". Which has led me to ponder over why something might be considered "unthinkable". I mean, if it's really "unthinkable", then how did it happen? How did anyone ever think of it? Kinda like that guy from the movie The Princess Bride who was always saying "It's inconceivable!" right after something unusual occurred. If something is really "unthinkable" (or "inconceivable"), then why do we have words to describe these things - they shouldn't be able to be thought of (or conceived). But once they are done, or thought of, then they really weren't "unthinkable", were they?
Go figure!

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Sunday, April 24, 2005

And still, more theology

Once again, I've had the distinct pleasure of posting an essay to Faith's Search for God blog. It is on the topic of how we can know that the Bible is true. If you're interested you can read it here.

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Kinda hard to miss now

Well... JT came over tonight to hang out for a while, and he showed me a few things to help me implement the changes that I wanted to make here. I like how they turned out.
I'd had a couple of "complaints" from co-workers, and friends, that my blog is hard to read because of the unusual font style, and the horrendously small print. This should help to resolve their issues, without me having to change the actual font... I do so like the feel that it has.
As for the side-bar stuff that I had mentioned... nevermind! There would be just to much work involved to maintain those changes. And I just don't have that kind of time to spend playing around on my blog. I think I devote enough time to it the way things are.


Saturday, April 23, 2005

Quote for 4/23/05

"Everything happens for a reason... whether we like it or not."

Just found this written down in a notepad as I was cleaning house today. I can be pretty clever at times.


Friday, April 22, 2005

Quote for 4/22/05

"As little as possible... so I never have to defend myself."
John Krol

This was a really great reply from John to one of our other co-workers when asked:
"Whaddaya know, John?".
It's great to work with others who have a flair for quick wit.


"Hello, Mr. Obvious?"

With all due respect to the Bob & Tom Show, and any characters that they've created.

So tell me... did anyone NOT see this story coming? I knew it when I first heard about the incident. Nobody finds a human finger in their fast food, especially not a food that has to be simmered for any length of time. And now they've arrested the woman who made the claim.
Well... she can have her Bullet Award if she wants it. Like I said when I awarded it to her, she may be wanting it by the time the legal process is done.
Hey, JT! Are you gonna put Ms, Ayala into your Incinerator? I'd be willing to bet she belongs there.

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Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Quote for 04/20/05

"Metaphor is the currency of knowledge. I have spent my life learning incredible amounts of disparate, disconnected, obscure, useless pieces of knowledge, and they have turned out to be, almost all of them, extremely useful."
Chandler Burr, from "The Emperor of Scent" (character Luca Turin)

This one just seems to suit me... with near perfection.


Tuesday, April 19, 2005

In a puff of white smoke, and the ringing of church bells

The announcement came this afternoon that there's a new Pope. Generally, such matters don't mean much to me since I'm not Catholic. But I have to say that I had a deep respect and admiration for John Paul II. In part, because of his clear and visible compassion for the people of the world. But also because that sense of compassion did not cause him to delude the doctrines of the church, or the truth of the scriptures, in order to suit the whims of the changing world. And from what I've been hearing, this new Pope will be pretty much the same.
I'm especially fond of some of the nicknames that seem to have been attached to this new Pope. He's been called "God's rottwieler". And as an assistant to JPII, he was called the "Doctrinal Enforcer", which I think is really cool - and a nickname I wouldn't mind having. May God bless him and grant him many years.
And one last thing...
In Your Face!
to the Mainstream Media.
For the last two weeks these self-appointed bastions of "truth" have lamented the possible outcome of this papal conclave by offering their own opinions and perspectives on what the church "ought to do". Who do these people think they are? They were so worried that the conclave would select a conservative Pope, that they continually rung their hands, and whined over this prospect. Which only served to reveal the bias that they claim not to have. And never once did they consider that maybe, just maybe, the church doctrines aren't subject to their review. Never once did it occur to these self-righteous "guardians" of public policy that the church doctrines are based upon something more permanent than the latest fad. Perhaps if these people had a genuine understanding of what truth really is, and not what they wish for it to be, they would've kept their mouths shut and spared themselves the embarassment of being on the wrong side of history... yet again.

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Quote for 4/19/05

"So, when you think you can tell me how to live my life just remember I have no problem bleeding for my rights, and even less of a problem making you bleed for them as well."


Monday, April 18, 2005

Quote for 4/18/05

"The tree of liberty must, from time to time be watered with the blood of tyrants and patriots."
Thomas Jefferson

Thanks for the reminder, JT.
Tomorrow I'll post yours.


Sunday, April 17, 2005

A point of contention with God

I have to admit that lately, I've been thinking a lot about sex... Wait! let me rephrase that.
I've been contemplating several discussions which I've been involved in recently that have to do with sex, and sexuality, on several different levels.
Yeah... That sounds better.
The topic of sex, or sexuality, just seems to be one of those things that always makes an appearance in conversations among friends. It has been discussed between JT, 'becca and myself during our Tuesday Night Chats. It has been seriously spoken of (as well as seriously joked about) by my co-workers and I. There is even an on-going discussion of such matters between Faith and me - selected excerpts of which can be read at her Search For God blog. And among the conversations which I've been having, I've noticed that the topic of sex just seems to elicit so many varying thoughts and attitudes. But there is one thing in particular that I find to be most intriguing. Of all the things that we recognize as being a sin, or sinful, we are most contentious with God over His rules regarding sex.
I've noticed that if you make a quick list of, shall we say "popular", or "common" sins, most of us have no problem admitting that many of the acts that are listed are sins. Likewise, we are usually willing to admit that we've engaged in that sin, and are sorry for it, acknowledging our sinfulness and a genuine desire to repent of it. We have no problem with the idea that we're supposed to stop doing that particular sin after we've repented of it. Still, for some odd reason, we don't respond the same way when it comes to sex. I've noticed that people get defensive about their sexual behaviors. People tend to try to justify their sexual sins. And I've been wondering why that is.
While I certainly agree that sex is natural, and it is a good thing. And I also agree that sex is something that can be enjoyed for it's own sake, and not always for the sole purpose of propagating the species. I also believe that we exhaust too much of our intellectual energy to defend our shortcomings on this subject.
We are constantly bombarded by "studies" from scientists, and psychologists, on why we look for certain types of people to partner with. We see every major "womens" magazine at the checkout counter flaunting "How to..." articles on the topic. And all of it so that we can say "See! It's only natural for us to be this way!". BULL!!! We are being conditioned. We're having our egos stroked, and our consciences soothed for behaviors that we recognize as being sinful.
It's easy to look at most of the other "popular", or more obvious, sins and recognize why they are sins. Nobody likes to be lied to. Nobody wants to be cheated. Nobody enjoys having their belongings stolen. And we all agree that the unwarranted taking of another human life is plainly wrong. But the issue of sex isn't quite so easy to explain. Believe me, if I had a nickle for every time I've heard someone ask the question "But why is it a sin?", I'd be retired by now.
It is unfortunate that many Christians are unable to answer this question in a fashion that is satisfactory to the person who is asking. While many Christians are willing to accept the Bible at face value, and believe what it says as true, most non-Christians are not so easily persuaded. We need a better answer than "Because, God said so.". It's not so simple for unbelievers, and it shouldn't be for Christians either.
When you consider the other sins that we commonly find ourselves wrapped up in, we see that they all require a certain amount of intellectual direction. They are not so impulsive, or instinctual, as our sexual appetite. We lie because we either want to "protect" someone from the pain of something that they may not want to hear. Or we do it to "protect" ourselves from having to deal with an unfavorable situation. We steal, or cheat, because we have a desire to possess something that doesn't already belong to us. But our desire for sex comes from somewhere deeper inside of us. It is stimulated by something that can't always be explained, at least not on the surface. It is primal. It doesn't come from our intellect, but from our instincts. And while we may expend a great deal of our intellect trying to respond to that urge, it is that urge that separates our sexual sins from all of the rest. Our sexual sins reduce us to our basest nature.
Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 6:18 "... he that sins sexually sins against his own body.". He then reminds us in the next verse that our bodies are temples. So, what is Paul getting at in this passage?
He is reminding us that we are not base creatures. We are not mere animals acting on our instincts. We are more than that. We are made in the image of God. We have been given intellect, and freewill, by which we are to make intelligent decisions regarding our lives and how we conduct ourselves. We aren't meant to simply act upon our instinctive natural impulses in the same way that animals do. Especially not those of us who are believers. Believers are told "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." (Romans 12:2). But this position, or a similar one, can be applied to respond to evolutionary thought as well.
If our intellect, and our ability to reason, are the pinacle of millions of years of human evolution, then why would we want to allow ourselves to be ruled by our most primal desires? We can see in the animal kingdom how they are ruled by their instincts. They hunt for food only when they are hungry. They kill only when they have to. And their sexual instinct is based upon such things as the scent that a female gives off, or by the changing of the seasons, and almost exclusively for procreation. We, however, are supposed to be above that.
So, why would God want for us to retain a standard of sexual purity if our desires are only natural? Perhaps it is because we have the wherewithal to do so. Unlike the animals, which are simply responding to their instincts, the scent or seasons, we have the ability to reason, and the intellect to bring our bodies under our own self-control. Whether we do so to honor God, in whose image we are created, or because it is the perfect demonstration of our evolved status. Shouldn't we be willing to put greater effort into meeting that higher standard, instead of trying to hide behind excuses?
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't have this battle won yet. I am probably the least likely person to be addressing this issue, but then again - who better than someone who's going through the hard struggle.
I have to admit that I'm not happy with the rules myself. After 17 years of marriage, I've grown fond of sex. But now that my marriage is coming to an end, I have to deal with the fact that sex is now off-limits to me. And that really sucks!
Still, I'll make the effort to stay pure... for as long as God wants me to. Even though I know that I'll probably have my fair share of slip-ups and failures. But I know that there is grace enough for such failings, but I have to be willing to admit that I failed, and not just dismiss those failures as "only natural".

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Friday, April 15, 2005

Revision to yesterdays quote

Upon pointing out to Greg that I posted his "Quote...", he was kind enough to inform me that I misquoted him. I have edited the quote appropriately.
Likewise, he has explained what the quote means. To paraphrase, "It's been a long, hard day!"... Now, why didn't he just say that in the first place. Go figure.


Thursday, April 14, 2005

Quote for 4/14/05

"A cold beer and a piece of ass would probably kill me right now."
Greg Rushton

Another Rushtonism. I'm not really sure what this one means, but it sounded like it should be here... or as JT says It seemed like a good idea at the time... when I heard it.


Wednesday, April 13, 2005

It's unanimous

It would seem that everybody I know has been feeling the effects of spring. That's right, allergies are in full swing, and are doing a great job of making everybody miserable. JT posted about it. Several of my co-workers are struggling through theirs. And I even took yesterday off to try to get mine under control. No such luck! I'm still feeling the stuffiness and congestion, as well as the itchy eyes. All of which seems to complicate my asthma. I'll be so happy when this is pretty much done with... about a week or so for me. Until then, I'll just deal with everything the best I can. Hope none of yinz are in such bad shape.


Monday, April 11, 2005

Quote for 4/11/05

"There is no wealth but life."
John Ruskin


What's my motivation?

Some of you may remember a post from a month or so ago where I lamented some of my ailments and general life issues. Most of you also offered me some "well wishes" (in either e-mails or comments) in regard to those particular areas of my life, and I'm truly grateful. However, until now, I just haven't been able to find the necessary motivation to change some of those aspects of my life that have been keeping me so unhealthy. But now I have found that motivation; RAGE!
I'm sure you're all wondering what has driven me to this... 5 words, and I'm sure you've all read them here before...
That's right, gang. We've had another one of those conversations in which Jo tells me some things that I really don't want to know about. Then I, in turn, get real quiet so that she knows that she's hit a sore spot. And, while we don't allow it to deteriorate into any kind of argument, or screaming match, it doesn't do much to help me to get through all of this.
Allow me to cover some background info. Jo had finally come to get her furniture this weekend. Which was fine by me. I wanted her to have her stuff, and it allowed me to see what it is I have to work with here. It also gave me the opportunity to see just how much clean-up I have to do. All was well in the land.
She even took Bobby for the majority of the weekend. Which was something that I believe they both needed. Still, all was well in the land.
Then, yesterday, she stops in to drop the Boy off, and leave some laundry here (which I'm sure is going to lead to our next "battle"), and proceeds to have a conversation with me. Fine, let's talk.
We covered a few minor topics about the weekend. Discussed some of the things that she wants to take to her place. Things that Bobby is going to need when he's there. Other general stuff. Then the conversation veered off into that one topic that still gets to me: dating.
I know it's going to happen. I can handle that, but that doesn't mean I want to hear about it, or the fact that she already has a few "possibilities". Especially not the fact that she's had these prospective "interests" for a few months.
It's been a little over 6 months since she offered me the ultimatum that was the downfall of this marriage. So, I can't help but wonder, just how long is "a few months"? How does someone "get over" their spouse of 17 years, in just "a few months"? Was she considering her "options" before she offered me that ultimatum? Was she thinking of those "prospects" the last we had sex?
So, obviously, I was upset. But I bit my tongue, and held some pretty harsh words that would've been ugly, and uncalled for (I think?). In fact, something that I was about to say to her was only recently brought up in one of our Tuesday Night Chat sessions (I'm sure JT recalls the topic, but we'll not speak of it here). Then we ended the conversation with her trying to tell me that she was "Just being up-front about it."... Bite Me!
Well... I have to say, I wasn't planning on doing any kind of dating for a looooong time. Mostly because we're not divorced yet, and waiting for her to come up with the cost to file, and all, is going to take awhile. But I also know I'm not ready for that kind of emotional "twist" in my life, just yet. But also because of the fact that I'm just plain fat, and not quite healthy.
Unlike Jo, I haven't had gastric bypass surgery. Nor do I want to. So, I'm not going to be melting off the weight. I'm going to have to do it the hard way. And that's where my rage comes into play. For all of the encouragement that others have shared with me to get healthy, and lose the weight, etc... Nobody has been able to do what Jo has managed to do in just a few minutes of conversation.
Now... before any of you who might start to panic, and worry that I might do something really stupid... relax. It's only going to be a temporary motivation. I will get through this, just like I always do. But having a strong urge to say "I'll show you, you freaking slut!", after I've lost 65 pounds of fat - and added more in muscle mass - is just until I get into the habit of being healthy.
It starts today. Wish me luck.

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Saturday, April 09, 2005

Answering the unanswerable... Round 2

Excerpts taken from an e-mail I received from Pamela. I wish I had posted them sooner. The questions are from her, the answers are, of course, from me.
Please note: I'm not listing all of the questions (in case you've already seen this particular e-mail), only the ones that I had good responses to.

Can you cry under water? Probably. But isn't the better question "do your tears affect the water's saline content?".

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? About as important as they must be to be called 'eccentric' rather than 'insane'.

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? What?!? You've never heard of sandwich rolls?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? I'm having it funneled into a secret account, even as you're reading this.

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? I think I'd me more concerned about being stuck in that big old box, or worse... the urn.

Why does a round pizza come in a square box? Because a round "box" would be called a "cylinder", and "pizza cylinder" just doesn't sound right.

What disease did cured ham actually have? Are you REALLY sure you want to know?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? For the same reason we call it "beauty sleep", even though we all wake up looking like crap.

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you? Actually, YES! It's nearly impossible to buy a Pepsi product anywhere within a certain radius of Coke's HQ in Atlanta, GA. Go figure.

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? I can unroll the film and find the frames you're in, but if I open my TV I won't find anything but a mess of circuitry.

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? It's the illusion of superiority.

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America? Do you WANT to have to see campaign ads from 50 candidates?!?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. I don't want to have to see myself naked anymore than I have to, why should I expect my doctor to feel any different?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? I'm actually afraid to answer this one - which is not to say I can't, just that I won't.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup? When properly used as a learning tool.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"? Probably the same guy who looked at a lobster and said "Yeah, I wanna eat that!".

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Because carbon (the blackened burnt part of the toast) is a key element in the formation of diamonds... It's a self-initiated retirement plan for those who are willing to wait it out.

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? Sometimes it's better not to be able to see what's in there.

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling? For anyone who wants to try to flirt their way out of the ticket.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? Now we're just ripping-off Pinky and The Brain.

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? Sure. Why not? I just don't want to be the cop who asks the driver to verify that there's a passenger.

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? There's a difference between "circuitry" and "carpentry".

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? You and I should be in the same time zone, but I don't expect that your crotch is any indicator of my need to go.

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! I would've recommended that maybe Goofy is at a higher stage of evolutionary developement, but his actions don't seem to indicate that.

What do you call male ballerinas? BallerinO's... sounds like a pasta dish from Chef Boy-ar-dee.

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? You must've missed the episode where he explains that to a couple of kids who were watching cartoons and asked a similar question - "Beep-Beep! Zip! Bang!".

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? I don't even want to think about this one.

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse? No. There's also Disneyland and Euro-Disney.

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Yeah... Duh!

Why did you just try singing the two songs? I didn't, it was all in YOUR head.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window? We're talking about an animal that is just as happy to eat garbage as it is to eat gourmet cuisine. Should we be so concerned about it's attitude towards air-flow?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place? Now that I think about it... Yeah! (just kidding)

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That's Not My Trigger Finger Bullet Award

Perhaps you've heard the recent news story about the woman who found a finger in her bowl of Wendy's chili. Well... check out this story and you'll see why I'm giving that woman, Ms. Ayala, her own Bullet Award.
Now, I hate to be the one to interject a little bit of logic and reason into this whole sordid affair, but... nevermind... I don't mind using a little bit of logic ever. There are NO employees of Wendy's who are missing any fingers. There are NO employees of any of Wendy's suppliers missing their fingers. And there is NO possible way a finger can simmer in chili and not start to "breakdown" (for lack of a better way of saying it without being too gross).
Then we discover that this woman has a history of, shall we say... frivolous... lawsuits. Curious, is it not? Anna Ayala, if these allegations are accurate, Wendy's lawyers, and the various prosecutors in this case, are going to make you happy to accept this Award before it's all done.
Here's your Bullet...

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Thursday, April 07, 2005

"It's kinda like runnin' into a brick wall..."

"... only there isn't quite as much pain - and no mortar to pick out of your teeth."

I'm currently experiencing something of a writers block, and the above statement covers how I feel about it (as spoken to one of my co-workers, today). Which is not to say I can't come up with anything to write about. I just can't seem to get the thoughts organized well enough to put them into print.
Truth be known, I have several ideas for essays that I've been contemplating, but I haven't had the sense of urgency to actually sit down and do any work on them. Not to mention the fact that I've got one or two lines for a few poems that I want to write, but that's all the further I seem to get with them.
I suppose that eventually I'll have that flash of inspiration that would get me rolling. But, until then, I'll just have to hope I stumble across some good stuff to make brief comments and snide remarks about. I figure, if I can keep you all smiling, or possibly even laughing, you'll be content to keep visiting until I come up with something moderately brilliant... as moderately brilliant as any of my other stuff, anyways.

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Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Tuesday Night Therapy

I don't typically post on Tuesday nights after our little chat sessions, it tends to interfere with my need for sleep. But I really felt compelled to stay up and write something about tonights chat.
As usual, the discusions covered a wide range of topics including life, death and our various family relationships. It is always good to be able to speak so openly with JT and 'becca (and, yes, the Boy was a part of the evening, too). In part, because we've known each other for so long that we don't see any need to reserve our feelings. But also because we've had many similar experiences in life.
I won't go into much detail, but suffice it to say that we desperately needed the laughter, and the tears, that filled our evening. It was a good thing for us to mourn together the passing of loved ones, and to reflect on the glory days of our youths. All in all, another great night spent in the company of people whom I truly love, and who truly love me.
On a side note: JT has been faithful to share a thought with those around him that probably don't hear this bit of info as often as they should. So I'm thinking that I'll share it here as well, for those of you who may need reminding...
Jesus really loves YOU.
May God richly bless you - tonight, and for all of your days.

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Answering the unanswerable

Amie had these questions posted at her blog, so I thought I'd try to answer them...

More Of Life's Unanswered Questions.
1. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
It makes it easier to sneak up on the house. That way it can't run away.
2. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Because we eat off of our dishes, but we don't drink from the juice bottle, silly.
3. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
When he has all of your money tied up in investments, you're pretty much broke.
4. Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?
What makes you think it ISN'T the "second" hand? What makes you think it's the "third" hand? Why not presume it's the "first" hand?
5. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Because that hour may have self-esteem issues, so we make it feel a little better about itself.
6. Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
For people with ADD, ADHD, and short attention spans... in case they forget what they're doing.
7. Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
There is. It's "top of your foot". How much more special can a name be if it has four words in it.
8. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
For the same reason there isn't "furniture leg flavored dog food". It's just something they play with until they're bored with it.
9. Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
That would make too much sense.
10. Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
In case the liquor store people have to ID you after the accident... "Yeah, that's the loser who bought the Mad Dog.".

Answer your questions Amie?

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Monday, April 04, 2005

Quotes from 3/2005

Quote for 4/4/05

"The Devil finds some mischief still for hands that have not learnt to be idle."
Geoffery Madan

Such an honest reflection on our own human nature. Sin is easy to find even when we're busy.


Sunday, April 03, 2005

We should all have such days

Yesterday was a really good day for me and the Boy. Originally, we had made plans around Jo's plans to move out this weekend. However, those plans fell through, on account of the weather, for her (more on that later), but Bobby and I still followed through with ours.
We got up a bit early so we could go down to The Strip District. For those of you who aren't familiar with the 'Burgh, the Strip District is a warehouse area for all of the major suppliers of goods and products to the various businesses around the greater Pittsburgh area. Especially to restaurants and grocers. It's a great place to go shopping if you want to find some really fresh food at a price that isn't too far away from what the businesses pay for theirs.
Bobby had never been there before, at least not since he's been old enough to remember it. So this was a real experience for him. We were fortunate that it was rainy because that kept the crowds down to a minimum. Which made it easier to navigate the narrow stores and left us with fewer people to concern ourselves with.
One of the highlights of the day was walking into one of the oriental food stores and being the only caucasians inside. I was looking for a snack that one of my co-workers, Chong, introduced me to; roasted peas with a horseradish sauce coating. These things are incredible! They have the same basic texture and consistency as peanuts, but the coating gives them a bit of a kick. And that kick will clear your sinuses for ya.
Checked out the Steelers "stuff" at Feinberg's. It's really a novelty shop, but if you're a Steelers fan, this is the place to go for your "collectibles". But there's plenty of other fun stuff there, too. I think they have Halloween decorations, costumes and props available all year 'round.
Of course, we had to go to Penn-Mac, even if just for the smell. Walking into the place reminds us both of going to Jo's grandparents (when they were still alive). It smells Italian. Between the meats, sausages, cheeses, and breads you really don't know where to start. This is also one of the busiest shops. There were people practically wall-to-wall, especially in the deli area. I was contemplating grabbing a pound of Capicola, but I really didn't fancy the idea of waiting a half an hour for it, and I didn't like the 6 oz. pre-packaged stuff. We settled for a stick of pepperoni for the countless pizzas we'll make at home.
But the most important place for us is Wholey's. Mmmmmmmmmmm... seafood (and other meats, too). The Boy was absolutely fascinated by all of the different kinds of fish that were available. He walked around as I stood at the counter waiting for what we agreed on; crab cakes and petite lobster tails. Grabbed a few cans of oysters and are currently planning our next seafood feast.
In the butcher shop section we saw some frozen rabbits. But I don't think he was tempted to try any, so I didn't ask if he was willing. Strangely, he wasn't interested in ordering from their cafe'. Typically we would've had the calamari and probably even fish sandwiches, but Bobby wasn't feeling up to it. So we passed on the deep-fried foods, and left.
Instead, we found one of the sidewalk vendors selling Chinese food and had ourselves a couple of shrimp-egg rolls. Probably the best egg rolls we've ever had. You could tell that they used peanut oil to fry them, the flavor was unmistakable.
Bobby also picked up a few little pastry items from another sidewalk vendor. Rice-Krispy treats with a chocolate drizzle for us, and he picked up a giant Lady-Lock for Jo.
We headed home after this. It seems that Bobby was hungry for pizza, but not the homemade stuff we've become accustomed to. He wanted to order from Pasquale's... and not Vincents! Go figure. Actually, we had overspent ourselves in the Strip, so we couldn't quite swing Vinnies.
As I had said at the beginning of this post, Jo's plans to move out had been cancelled due to the weather. But the Boy wanted her to come over and get her Lady-Lock. So he also invited her over for pizza, and I had a container of ham & cabbage soup (I made it from my leftover Easter ham) for her to take home, too.
She brought the movie Hidalgo with her so we all sat around and watched it as we had our pizza and whatnot. Jo could also not resist telling me about her friend talking dirt on her to other people. I really couldn't care less about such things. In my opinion, she chose her friends and now she gets to deal with them, and none of their goings-on are of any interest to me.
After Jo left, Bobby and I just hung-out with each other. We picked at the leftover pizza, and snacked on some munchies and just had a generally good evening, too. And now we're both looking forward to the next time we can do this. Only then, I'll make sure to have much more cash on hand.

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Friday, April 01, 2005

Quote for 4/1/05

"There is in human nature generally more of the fool than of the wise."
Francis Bacon

Only seems appropriate for April Fools Day.


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