Allow me to begin this by saying that I'm no longer going to refer to Jo as my soon-to-be-EX-wife, but as my Eventually-to-be-EX-wife. Is that enough of a clue as to what the topic of this post may be about? Good, now lets move on.
First some interesting, probably very good
news about the Boy. He went to Kennywood yesterday with Jo and her sister, Michelle - and family. It would seem that Michelle's company picnic was yesterday and she had a couple of extra tickets available (Reed, Smith, Shaw & McClay are infamous for "over-doing" when it comes to company sponsored events). So, Michelle asked Jo if her and the kids wanted to come... yes, I was invited, but I prefer to allow Jo to have her own time with Bobby and Aliesha (even though she didn't go) whenever possible - so I declined.
Anyway... I found out that all day long Bobby was hitting on the girls that work the various stands and rides at the park. Not serious hitting on, but sorta friendly just-something-to-do-while-waiting-in-line kinda hitting on. I had no idea that he was that extroverted. He was even talking to a few girls that were next to him on a couple of the rides he went on. I think that's pretty cool since I've always been kinda shy, and introverted when it comes to meeting new people - especially girls. But enough of that!
OK... I'm an idiot. And why
am I an idiot? Because I can't help being a nice guy, even to a woman who drove me into serious debt, just before telling me that she wanted a divorce. Here's the story:
Jo arrived at about 10:00 yesterday morning to pick up the Boy. Shortly thereafter I left to do my running - a little bit of grocery shopping and some "me" spending. When I arrived home, at about 1:00, Moe informed me that I had to call Jo's cell phone.
On their way to Kennywood, Jo's brakes went - completely!
Nobody was hurt, and she managed to use the emergency brake to get to her mothers apartment. Her mother then dropped them off at Kennywood. And her sister was going to take her back to her mother's afterwards.
Now, Jo's brakes have needed replaced for well over two months. As if that wasn't bad enough, she's actually had the pads in her backseat almost since she's known about needing them. But when you have payment arrangements with your mechanic because your finacial situation isn't too bright, and your mechanic is in jail for violating a PFA, it's hard to get the work done in a timely fashion.
So I called Jo, and I found out that my brother-in-law, Mike (the redneck mechanic who's married to Jo's sister, Lori - not to be confused with my other brother-in-law, Michael, Jo's brother), was going to tow it out to his garage to do the work on it. But she needed a ride out to pick it up tomorrow (today), and could I do that.
Yeah, sure, no problem. Even though I know that the ride is going to use up more than a quarter of my gas, and she doesn't have any money to give me for gas.
Meanwhile, as we're on our way out, Bobby asks me if we can take Samson, Jo's new puppy, every once in awhile. Only to have Jo explain it as a sort of "joint custody". It would seem that Sammy doesn't do well without constant supervision. Not an issue when the kids are around, but a real problem when they're not. I haven't decided on this one yet.
But then, even though I had already sent some food with Bobby (still in her trunk), since he has such a healthy appetite, when we get there and she sees that I sent mac-n-cheese, tomato soup and a chocolate cake mix (all of which require milk for either preparation, or in the case of the cake, to enjoy eating it), she bemoans the fact that now she'll need to buy more milk. So I handed her the four dollars that I had in my pocket so she could buy milk and maybe even some balogna (Oh, wait, that's jumbo
for all of us who live in th'burgh) for Bobby.
I tell myself that whatever it is that I'm doing is actually to benefit my kids. Yet, I find it of little comfort. Especially when I consider the fact that the Boy seems to be floating the idea that he might want to move in with her - because there are more kids around her place and he has friends that he can see everyday there. Also, the last time Bobby spent the week with her, he returned to tell me that she's already "dating". And that he had walked into her bedroom to find her and some 20-something pup "cuddling" on her mattress, fully clothed, but still... grrrrr!
I'm trying my best to not do anything that directly helps her. She chose this situation for herself - for both of us actually - so I really want her to have to live with her own decision. But if I don't do some of the things that I do, then it's my kids that will end up suffering for it. This really sucks!
I've worked hard to get my finances back in order since she left. I'm finally to the point where I may still be living paycheck-to-paycheck, but anytime I need something I can pretty much afford to get it. On the other hand, her finances are absolute crap. And they won't be getting any better because she doesn't make enough money, and what she does make doesn't go very far for her.
Likewise, I have my monthly bills under very tight control by simply sacrificing a little bit of comfort every so often. My A/C is set to 77, and my heat never goes above 68. She doesn't seem to understand that running her A/C on high, day and night, will rack up one nasty electric bill. Even if it is only in one room. And I know that when winter comes she won't be able to drop her thermostat below 72. Not to mention, she has the old fashioned heating oil that they have to come out and fill up the outside tank. In other words, if she doesn't have the money up front, she doesn't get the heating oil. No oil, no heat. It will be a long cold winter indeed.
All of this leaves me wondering; how does she ever expect to pay for the divorce if she can't even afford to have her car fixed. She knows that I'm not going to put any money towards it since it was all her idea. I don't know where she expects to find the money for it.
Why do I have to be such a nice guy? Why do I have to care at all?
Don't answer that! I already know why. But that doesn't make it suck any less.
Labels: Divorce Sucks, Family, Relationships