I have to say, one of the best aspects to blogging is the fact that since I've been doing it I've discovered that I have so many people to comiserate with when life is less than cheery. And I do want to tell those of you who offered comments (and I will address you each individually below) to my recent post
regarding the demise of what I thought
was the start of a wonderful relationship how much I appreciate that you shared your thoughts with me. Thank you for that.
I must admit that there is a part of me that wishes I could remain friends with her. Her absence from my life is quite noticable. Especially at those times when we would normally be talking to each other on the phone or IMing each other. And I do have an e-mail account that is now almost completely void of activity. Besides, there is also that part of me which is eternally optimistic that things could change between us in time. But, as I said before, I just can't do the "just friends" thing again. Not after the beginning that we had.
For some odd reason, call me old fashioned, - or just plain old - but once you spend some "couch-time" with someone "sucking face" with them, friendship is no longer an option. And when that person expresses similar feelings to those that you're feeling for several days after meeting you, then perhaps it's safe to assume that you do have something a little bit more than friendship going on. That's why it was all so painful and confusing to me.
Anyways, allow me to address your individual comments now...Faith
Perhaps it is better that she told me when she did. But, in light of what I just mentioned above, wouldn't asking me to remain her friend, knowing full well that I do still have feelings for her, be just as bad as having me "hang on for a long time"?
I know things will get better. I managed to survive my EX's behaviour, I'm sure that I'll get over this quickly. Thanks.JT
At the time you offered, I really didn't want to be around people too much. But you know that I won't go to a bar by myself so I was just looking for someone to be at a safe distance for me. And I really didn't want to have to relive the whole episode for becca at that moment either.Kender
You already know what I have to say. Sorry I had to delete your comment, but I just couldn't let it stay up. It just wasn't appropriate for the situation. I'm sure you understand.
What timing! I appreciate the compliments. I know that in time the right person will enter my life. It's just kinda rough having to go through the wrong ones first.~Moi~
first off: I just want you to know how hard a time I have with refering to you as "Moi" because I know that "Moi" is really "Me" in french. And I'm not talking to me when I'm talking to you. I'm talking to you, even though you're Moi...
and I'll stop now before I get into a whole "Who's on first" joke about the name you've chosen as your blogger ID.
You hear things late because you don't visit often enough. Would it kill ya to come around more often?
Did I just channel a jewish mother for a minute?
Nevermind, where was I? Oh, right...
I'm not down on myself about this. She also used the "It's not you, it's me" line as well. So I know it's not because she doesn't find me to be worthwhile. After all, she did want to remain friends with me. Doesn't that mean she wanted me to remain a part of her life? So that must mean that I'm still a great guy. And I don't think that there was anything about me "turning her off" either. She once mentioned that being near me and talking to me were kind of exciting. And since she had asked me not to call her for a few days before she gave me the speech - so she could sort through some personal stuff - I suspect that not talking to me for a few days is what made it possible for her to even give me the "speech".
It was the toughest thing I've done in years, to jump back into the dating pool. Especially after nearly two decades of not having to worry about it. and I hate to say it, but it's going to be a bit more difficult for me to jump back into it now that I've slammed into the bottom of said pool. And there are no cute lifeguards at this pool to rescue us and give us mouth-to-mouth if we're drowning.
As for the "just friends" thing. As I said above, "couch time" and "sucking face" are not things that two friends do with each other. So once that stuff begins with me, there is no possibility of us being "just friends". I can understand dating someone and then going through the "just friends" speech. I can even understand if you've been sharing some really passionate "good-nite" kisses at the ends of those dates. I could handle the "just friends" speech if that were the case (I still wouldn't like it, but I could handle it). But I don't understand how you're supposed to come back to being friends, when you never started there.
But there's also the matter that she seemed to have the same feelings for me that I still have for her - up until last Saturady, that is. But just to put things into a bit more perspective for you, without going into too much detail, here are two examples of things that I doubt that people do when they're only interested in you as a friend. Let me know what you think.
1) She was waking up early each morning during our first week together so she could send me e-mails, and IM's in the hopes of catching me before I went to work. She even set her alarm clock early on that Friday so she could call me, just to hear my voice, and to wish me a good day.
2) Up until a few days before she gave me the "just friends" speech, we were discussing a weekend getaway to a Bed-n-Breakfast with each other, for sometime in July. Her daughter was supposed to be going away on a vacation with her Ex-husband. And we had been discussing this weekend getaway since the first week that we were together.
So, do you see why I'm so hurt and puzzled by all of this?
But you are right about why we date. It is about finding the best possible match, not trying to make the best possible match out of each date. Thank you for reminding me of that.
Labels: Friends, My life, Relationships